Learning self-protection from an overpaid life coach
I assumed that those I loved or befriended would be generally sensitive to my interests. Certainly it never occurred to me that anyone I shared a meal with (using that as a proxy for acquaintance) would leave the table and act in was which I interpret as "hate."
I appreciate that I have been privileged and fortunate enough to hang on to this childish and child-like innocence.
I live in a country that elected Trump and a world that allowed Pol Pot.
I have witnessed hate-filled narcissism up close.
A cliche of the wellness industry is that we learn from our mistakes. We grow from our pain. I personally think these sentiments are a crock of shit. I don't see posters with those words in hospices. Or in the rubble of the houses of the poor that have been destroyed, along with the inhabitant families, by US drones.
That being said, I got screwed royally by my ex-wife for decades, and never fought back. I never protected what was deeply mine. I shared with a wounded enemy. She did what the injured do. They scheme. Lie. Steal. Hide. Repress their shame. Blame others for their own glaring flaws. (Donald—this isn't about you, though I see your lonely 5-year old self.)
This is about me and how depression, PRSD, and pain finally taught me something: to confront threats and protect myself.
I learned to say "this is not working for me" and to own it. To act on it clearly and forcefully. To lock ALL the gates enemies use if you leave them open or unguarded.
Pretty meager learnings from decades of pain and abuse and never having a single need acknowledged, respected, or met.
But wow. Now that I have that power—fuck you all! I am not wasting a single second on you, either. The difference between my self protection and yours is I just started.
You were born that way. You never assumed love was real. You never had that.
I did. Until now. I learned this from you. And me. And from my loss and grief and mental health collapse. From my suffering. You are not working for me, and I am a burning circle you will never fuck over further.
Thank you for being my paid life coach Mina! I was a dullard in class but I hear and see you loud and clear now.
I appreciate that I have been privileged and fortunate enough to hang on to this childish and child-like innocence.
I live in a country that elected Trump and a world that allowed Pol Pot.
I have witnessed hate-filled narcissism up close.
A cliche of the wellness industry is that we learn from our mistakes. We grow from our pain. I personally think these sentiments are a crock of shit. I don't see posters with those words in hospices. Or in the rubble of the houses of the poor that have been destroyed, along with the inhabitant families, by US drones.
That being said, I got screwed royally by my ex-wife for decades, and never fought back. I never protected what was deeply mine. I shared with a wounded enemy. She did what the injured do. They scheme. Lie. Steal. Hide. Repress their shame. Blame others for their own glaring flaws. (Donald—this isn't about you, though I see your lonely 5-year old self.)
This is about me and how depression, PRSD, and pain finally taught me something: to confront threats and protect myself.
I learned to say "this is not working for me" and to own it. To act on it clearly and forcefully. To lock ALL the gates enemies use if you leave them open or unguarded.
Pretty meager learnings from decades of pain and abuse and never having a single need acknowledged, respected, or met.
But wow. Now that I have that power—fuck you all! I am not wasting a single second on you, either. The difference between my self protection and yours is I just started.
You were born that way. You never assumed love was real. You never had that.
I did. Until now. I learned this from you. And me. And from my loss and grief and mental health collapse. From my suffering. You are not working for me, and I am a burning circle you will never fuck over further.
Thank you for being my paid life coach Mina! I was a dullard in class but I hear and see you loud and clear now.
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