Learning new words so I can feel better
I've had several conversations recently, one with my therapist which was the most practical, about the simple power of:
1. Recognizing and expressing that "this isn't working for me," and
2. Realizing that people who love you will never guess what you need correctly so you must be clear in your own mind what would meet your needs.
Only then can you reach the state of finding common solutions rather than triggering fight or flight disasters. Sometimes these are shockingly easy—say a workplace dispute where the rules are clear. Sometimes they're much more complicated.
My ex wife has malfunctioning adrenals, so her fight or flight biochemistry is always "on." Cortisol's a bitch. She is not capable of this sort of complex mutual, equal interaction herself, though her job involves teaching others how to "hold space" for psychonaut versions of these exercises.
Don't say "this is not working for me" to my ex, if you know her. You will be in an empty room with no email or text contact in the amount of time it takes to shoot a charging lion. The ghosting will last forever.
Instead, say " that was a wonderful performance!" This approach can work for a very long time with endocrine challenged people.
1. Recognizing and expressing that "this isn't working for me," and
2. Realizing that people who love you will never guess what you need correctly so you must be clear in your own mind what would meet your needs.
Only then can you reach the state of finding common solutions rather than triggering fight or flight disasters. Sometimes these are shockingly easy—say a workplace dispute where the rules are clear. Sometimes they're much more complicated.
My ex wife has malfunctioning adrenals, so her fight or flight biochemistry is always "on." Cortisol's a bitch. She is not capable of this sort of complex mutual, equal interaction herself, though her job involves teaching others how to "hold space" for psychonaut versions of these exercises.
Don't say "this is not working for me" to my ex, if you know her. You will be in an empty room with no email or text contact in the amount of time it takes to shoot a charging lion. The ghosting will last forever.
Instead, say " that was a wonderful performance!" This approach can work for a very long time with endocrine challenged people.
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