A trend line that's sad but possibly helpful for my recovery

In 2012, I saw my marriage as broken in the sense that I had no idea what my wife and partner was thinking.  She seemed to be making atrocious (or at a minimum careless and rude) decisions, and then she showed up like a wet cat.

 

In 2022 and 23, I was simply in shock.  I suffered severe trauma. 

 

Now, I see that the marriage, and perhaps my ex, were irretrievably broken and flawed from the day we met in 1994.  There was no hope for a happy relationship because

 

1. We were mismatched
2. There was not a strong sexual attraction on either side
3. Neither of us had ever solved a serious dispute, and suddenly that was our entire life.

 

The relationship lasted because of my generosity and meager, yet effective, efforts to cope with increasing cycles of narcissistic  exploitation.  I was one victim but not even the prime one, until the end.

 

Grieving is much easier when you realize what you loved never existed in the first place.  It's not mourning I need to do.

 

It's getting back to a new normal, guided by values that I can comprehend, after a psychotic episode.

 

As to the global situation and the US election—we were fucked in 1994.  Same story, different year.  The bad actors are always the bad actors.