I’m sure I scored some points on the way out
My ex is not a nice person.
Based on what i saw when we weee together, she's stubborn too. Once she makes up her mind she doesn't back down. She also has defective fight or flight biochemistry, which I believe now is why she always had a foot out of the door.
This withdrawal pattern infuriated me. I knew my ex was a person who didn't fight fair or logically, and who had a pathological need to protect her own story at any cost.
So many times I saw her explain how she knew others better than they knew themselves, always to the victim's great disadvantage. Now I'm one of that victim pile, known to my old community as a cocaine addict and absent sexual partner.
I fared the worst of all of my ex's victims. I'm starting to recover. PTSD and depression warned me of danger for years, but also impaired me. Quoting my therapist, "why does this make sense?" It makes sense that I have these trauma-induced health issues because I lived in gaslighting hell for so long.
It makes sense to me that I'm hurt and hateful and injured now, along with the more optimistic parts. (I don't know what the course of my recovery will be from PTSD and depression and shame and trauma, or whether I will ever recover at all.)
My ex continued to ignore me, but I think I got through to her a few times. Not to get even. No one ever gets even with people like my ex. They will truly chew their own legs off.
The best I have to protect myself is the pride of hoping that for the first time in her life someone forced her to look in the mirror for a few seconds before she smashed her own image out of existence yet again.
That must have hurt her terribly for that second or two before my ex returned to performance-face and she got me back in the cocaine addict masturbating angry crossdresser coffin she built.
That's more of a victory than anyone else she hurt can claim. I know I touched her for a second or two particularly on her way out the third and final trip. I scored a point against a sociopath.
I will come to terms, whatever they turn out to be, with my own PTSD and depression and emotional pain. My experience is as wide and deep as the ocean. Narcissists are the single shallow smudges after the garbage is cleaned up.
Based on what i saw when we weee together, she's stubborn too. Once she makes up her mind she doesn't back down. She also has defective fight or flight biochemistry, which I believe now is why she always had a foot out of the door.
This withdrawal pattern infuriated me. I knew my ex was a person who didn't fight fair or logically, and who had a pathological need to protect her own story at any cost.
So many times I saw her explain how she knew others better than they knew themselves, always to the victim's great disadvantage. Now I'm one of that victim pile, known to my old community as a cocaine addict and absent sexual partner.
I fared the worst of all of my ex's victims. I'm starting to recover. PTSD and depression warned me of danger for years, but also impaired me. Quoting my therapist, "why does this make sense?" It makes sense that I have these trauma-induced health issues because I lived in gaslighting hell for so long.
It makes sense to me that I'm hurt and hateful and injured now, along with the more optimistic parts. (I don't know what the course of my recovery will be from PTSD and depression and shame and trauma, or whether I will ever recover at all.)
My ex continued to ignore me, but I think I got through to her a few times. Not to get even. No one ever gets even with people like my ex. They will truly chew their own legs off.
The best I have to protect myself is the pride of hoping that for the first time in her life someone forced her to look in the mirror for a few seconds before she smashed her own image out of existence yet again.
That must have hurt her terribly for that second or two before my ex returned to performance-face and she got me back in the cocaine addict masturbating angry crossdresser coffin she built.
That's more of a victory than anyone else she hurt can claim. I know I touched her for a second or two particularly on her way out the third and final trip. I scored a point against a sociopath.
I will come to terms, whatever they turn out to be, with my own PTSD and depression and emotional pain. My experience is as wide and deep as the ocean. Narcissists are the single shallow smudges after the garbage is cleaned up.
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