I wake up each morning
Usually the first thought on my mind is self hate. I'm working hard to fight back against that with a ritual of apology and correction. I promise myself I will never use harsh words against myself, and when I fail I apologize to myself, and to the 5 year old inside me.
Second something from my dreams or some other thought reminds me of the fraudulent liar I lived with for 28 years. Or more likely the hypocritical piece of shit. The fact that I had no one to care for me—the fact that it didn't matter if she was present or ghosting me—I knew I was unloved every second of every day. Resented for any happiness I could find with friends or through work.
I don't bother to correct this crap. It's sickening but it's my life.
And she's still out there somewhere. Deceiving others. Stealing from them. Giving nothing back as they applaud her daily performance. Painted red like an accident scene.
Pleasureless. Hiding. Plotting what she can get and who her next mark will be. Ignored by those who learned that she's heartless. Those who see through her narcissistic shell.
Second something from my dreams or some other thought reminds me of the fraudulent liar I lived with for 28 years. Or more likely the hypocritical piece of shit. The fact that I had no one to care for me—the fact that it didn't matter if she was present or ghosting me—I knew I was unloved every second of every day. Resented for any happiness I could find with friends or through work.
I don't bother to correct this crap. It's sickening but it's my life.
And she's still out there somewhere. Deceiving others. Stealing from them. Giving nothing back as they applaud her daily performance. Painted red like an accident scene.
Pleasureless. Hiding. Plotting what she can get and who her next mark will be. Ignored by those who learned that she's heartless. Those who see through her narcissistic shell.
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