A new point of view from my therapist

-

 I'm struggling to stop saying nasty mean hurtful things to myself.  My divorce has triggered the worst of this behavior, and my marriage before it ended fueled my bad habit without any benefits.

These next three months of paying out my settlement are going to be the toughest ever, I fear.  Not the money.  The fact that paying the bill is a confirmation that I failed to please the most important woman in my life.

My therapist gave me a much better approach:

Every penny you send buys you back the self love and self esteem you've never had.

I love that.  I am buying love for myself from the only source, in the end, that matters.  At age 69.  For the first time ever. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meet my friend, the mediocre hedge fund manager

-
There is no such thing as smart money.   Yet, when was the last time you heard some one described as a "below-average hedge fund manager?" Probably never. Or a "mediocre physicist?" That's because these two professions seem mystical to people who don't stop to question that at least half of the hedge fund managers--and physicists-- graduated in the bottom 50% of their university peer group. Yet look at the HFRI Equity Hedge Index compared to investing in a no-fee indexed S&P fund since 1996--the last 20 years.   (Note:   you've been screwed in either case so don't hold your breath).  Yes, all those wicked smart hedge fund guys (remember their nice suits from back in the late 90's?) rocked along at 13% annual returns from '96 til early '00.   So did the S&P. Since then it's been a negative shithouse for the guys who get their drawn portraits published in the WSJ.   Between ''08 and '13 a dollar invested i...
Read more

Sharing my ex-wife’s group holiday greeting

-
There are many things I loved about my ex. This journal entry is about why I think she's an asshole. I was having a relatively OK day today. Goodbye 2024 which as been a bear. Hello 2025. Maybe my PTSD and depression symptoms will abate as I begin another loop of our solar system.  Then—My realtor sent an update about why my ex-home in NYC hasn't sold. Since I co-own this cash nightmare with my ex, we're on the message together. Mina respounds "thanks. Best wishes to all of you for 2025. A sweetheart! A clever and insightful writer and communicator.  A life coach to the masses. Someone whose messaging would have more sincerity if she ran her prompts through ChatGPT first.  I am not your realtor. I do not work for you and I no longer care if you stand up or fall down. I unblock you for a few days and I get your sick performative pablum. You are a problem for me—an obstacle to my own success in life. Just as you have been for so many others.  Here’s how you gro...
Read more

30 day warning: you don’t embarrass a mobster

-
We just witnessed Zelensky embarrassing Trump and that other mongrel. Thanks to Trump's 4year old ego, he demanded that he be on TV so he could film himself being a schoolyard bully. Instead, at least he didn't wet his pants. 30 days. Trump's first political assassination. Here we go. Shit gets real now. Trump and Vance should have worn Snuggies. Stay in your cribs, children. Let mommy take care of this.  The US destroyed Poland to appease Stalin. Trump and Vance don’t know that they just repeated the most repulsive part of FDR’s tenure. Who would do business with the US?  We’re led by a mobster and a crook who never pays his bills. Rudy Giuliani did business with Trump. Zelensky is only trying to avoid the same outcome for his people.  With friends like the US, no one needs enemies. We’re a full-service lethal force provider!  I send my respect to Zelensky and his violated and betrayed citizens. You have clarified in a way no one before you has had the courage t...
Read more