(In)capable of love
I keep working at reaching for love but my heart isn't leaning that way. Perhaps I'm tired. Perhaps an extra glass of wine takes the pain and loneliness away.
Watching Krystalnacht play out in the US is a terrible breach of contract with the remaining portions of our population that weren't already abused. Club'm to death, as Lou Reed sang in the 70's. I feel the bat will be swinging for me soon.
The rain in London falls on the dead. The roof leaks.
I'm trying to stay social but I worry about how avoidant I feel, and how frequently I try to schedule and then don't follow through. Am I forgetting? Or too exhausted to not take the easiest path, which is silence.
I love my companions and appreciate the valiant few who are still with me. I am filled with thanks. But is there a silent will to accept that I never feel connected once I leave the room? If so I am ashamed of my own authenticity. Craving something that I cannot experience and not seeing my own fraudulent limitations now?
Could I love a woman again? Establish a new intense friendship with a man? I can't answer either of these questions. So far I'm not happy with my knowledge, my acceptance, or my damaged bond with others.
Watching Krystalnacht play out in the US is a terrible breach of contract with the remaining portions of our population that weren't already abused. Club'm to death, as Lou Reed sang in the 70's. I feel the bat will be swinging for me soon.
The rain in London falls on the dead. The roof leaks.
I'm trying to stay social but I worry about how avoidant I feel, and how frequently I try to schedule and then don't follow through. Am I forgetting? Or too exhausted to not take the easiest path, which is silence.
I love my companions and appreciate the valiant few who are still with me. I am filled with thanks. But is there a silent will to accept that I never feel connected once I leave the room? If so I am ashamed of my own authenticity. Craving something that I cannot experience and not seeing my own fraudulent limitations now?
Could I love a woman again? Establish a new intense friendship with a man? I can't answer either of these questions. So far I'm not happy with my knowledge, my acceptance, or my damaged bond with others.
Comments
Post a Comment