Blaming my failed marriage for my failed country

 Whether or not we elect a liar and felon, I have to look to my own household and my own behavior.  

My voice is not heard nationally.  I don't expect it to be, but I do expect my neighbors to have some discernment.  They don't.  And fuck Georgia and Florida and North Carolina and the rest of them.  Useless trolls.  A smarmy meaningless DNC.  No radical voice left.  

Elon Musk is in some hotel room with Trump.  That's our future.  Two ADHD teenagers...terrible fathers...hanging out.  Any women?  Any friends?  S=Just a few disloyal and self-destructive assholes.

This is pretty similar to my 28 year marriage.  These are awful people, and I don't want to be part of it.  

I feel so much disdain for what I've watched face to face with my crippled ex.  More than I feel for the dupes who voted for Trump and who will be burning crosses on my lawn tomorrow. (Don't worry...I've had defensible space work done...it won't burn down California, though I suspect it will scare me and scare my poor cat.)

Where do I go?  What do I need to carry on?  ?How do I make myself happy when I live alone, and hate my neighbors.  What sort of life is best for me as an outcast with no family?

I wish Kamala had a radical bone in her body.  She appears to have managed to lose the student vote!  Hard to do that when you support the powerful over the unarmed.  Israel has done so much more to destroy the left in the US than Russia or North Korea or Texas.  We can't even talk to each other.  

Similarly, my ex.  We don't talk to each other.  I sit here hating her.  Listing her flaws.  Shocked by her hostility and indifference and sociopathic behavioral disorders.

Yawn.  She's nothing compared to the person I will become now that I'm completely isolated.

Here's the beginning of my plan:

 1. Isolate from my few remaining friends...most if not all.

2. Get another pet?

3. Block more people.

4. Never leave the house or do anything that doesn't make me smile.

5. Disconnect my phone, as my mother once did?

6. Block and never communicate with Mina again, even if that's hard for me.  Why is it hard?  Who knows.  But it's hard.  But it's time she gets fucked by her own life.  She has enough vultures circling her grave to do that without my involvement.  Please please please David start believing what everyone has said to me for years:  your life partner is dead.  She does not exist.  If she ever existed, she was ill.  She's more ill now.  She is dead dead dead to you forever...You will never see or hear from her again, nor should you. She would spit on your grave, as she has for so long.  

7. Move somewhere completely new, and do not provide a forwarding address.  Maybe near the ocean, where the vase feel like life and love.  

8. Stop drinking.  You're depressed.  Be honest,  You already know how much harder it makes each day when you do drink, even a sip.  It's so not worth it.  Why bother if you're just going to go to bed at 8 PM anyway?  And then feel crappy the next day.  

9. Find some art that patters.  Fix the house...look inward and do improvements and repairs and gifts to yourself and your cat.  That is your universe.  That is what matters.  Trump is a fat pig. Mina is a straightforward skinny pig.  You, David, have a capacity for love that dwarfs these midgets.  Sing to the edges of the universe so that your voice echoes off the planets.  Dance til the cows come home.  Fly fly fly fly with the ravens...they are your flock..

Fuck you Mina.  I blame you for this...because you've done it to so many others.  I haven't. I haven't hated until now.  And it's you.  My beacon of hatred...50 watts of incandescent failure.