Why be alone

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I continue to withdraw. A friend here. An activity there. I left a group of friends in New York a few hours ago to get home and be by myself tonight.

Why? Depression is part of it. I've been fighting this long enough that I'm tired.

Brittleness is also a factor. Because of the daily anxiety I'm getting triggered very quickly by uncivil behavior. I'm on a plane right now. Two people in the row behind me are stupid drunk and both have hacking coughs. They're loud and incoherent. Is strangulation legal in Illinois? That's what I mean.

Mostly I was in such a hostile marriage for 28 years that I desire solitude. Bored…lonely…lethargic…tearful…worried…aging by myself. These are better than that. I will not be abused again.

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