Waking up from a dream entirely with myself

I woke up and was repeating out loud to myself "you're so weird! You're so weird!"

I wonder which part? My guess is the part that dreads being with people. I'm still not used to that part being so talkative and present.

That's the part I want to spend NewYear's Eve with. My own sleepy party. Nothing to drink. Maybe a hit of pot? A sage ceremony to clean more of the psychic trash out of my home, and quiet meditation music. And more early, weird dreams alone.

2025. My first year being myself. No one to please before me. What will that be like? Me first! Me second. Not letting anyone in unless I want to.

A sage ceremony for my own life. Then keeping the doors closed to the outside once the air is cleansed by the smoke.

So weird and hopeful.

Not lonely.  Lonesome.  Speak up while I’m awake now and let me know what you’ve been unable to express.  

I know.  There’s been lots of noise, but the stage is all yours for the moment.  And I know I haven’t listened to you in the past, so my mind is not familiar with hearing what you want to express.

Are you saying you’re excited to be alone?

Are you saying you’re tired after so many years of not getting the love and attention you wanted?

Are you saying there’s no need to move any longer, unless there’s something beautiful to motivate?

I’m listening.  This is new for me, too. Be my friend lonesome Dave. 

Are you saying I can get up, or go to sleep, only when I want to?  Are you saying I can eat only when and what I want?  That I don’t need to talk or smile unless my heart wants to?  That my tears make sense and should be celebrated for their healing power?  Are you saying there’s no need to move…unless my essence wants to?  

Are you saying that I can always speak the truth to myself, and there’s no purpose to any other communications ( except with other animals…)?

Keep talking!  I’m all ears!