A 2024 Christmas present to myself

-
I got fucked over by my best friend in 2012, 2022, and 2023. As a result of these events, I live alone, I'm being treated for depression and trauma-related illness, and I am struggling to build new relationships with anyone. Currently, I'd rather be by myself. 

The low point of my collapse was the epic line:  "I absolutely will not help you.  You need to save yourself."  I should mention she was my life partner, best friend, and wife of 29 years at that moment. 

Humans specialize in atrocities. We live surrounded by the mass graves of enemies of the moment. My own US government is a willing, cheerful participant, but what it prefers to do is sell weapons to others, and lie about any US citizens who are involved. Case in point:  you think the CIA and elite secret military units aren't active in the Ukraine right now?  

"I will never help you," spit out with hostility by my sole family member, was my personal introduction to atrocity. And, like a drone strike or a mortar attack, it damaged my DNA and my soul. I experienced the betrayal of realizing my family and part of my body was ripped from me without warning. 

My Christmas present this year, to myself, is this:

David, you are a survivor.  Anything you bring to the world for the remainder of your time here will be a miracle, and a cause for joy.  You are worthy of love because you are a good person, and you are worthy of respect because you breathe jointly with all those who also have suffered."


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meet my friend, the mediocre hedge fund manager

-
There is no such thing as smart money.   Yet, when was the last time you heard some one described as a "below-average hedge fund manager?" Probably never. Or a "mediocre physicist?" That's because these two professions seem mystical to people who don't stop to question that at least half of the hedge fund managers--and physicists-- graduated in the bottom 50% of their university peer group. Yet look at the HFRI Equity Hedge Index compared to investing in a no-fee indexed S&P fund since 1996--the last 20 years.   (Note:   you've been screwed in either case so don't hold your breath).  Yes, all those wicked smart hedge fund guys (remember their nice suits from back in the late 90's?) rocked along at 13% annual returns from '96 til early '00.   So did the S&P. Since then it's been a negative shithouse for the guys who get their drawn portraits published in the WSJ.   Between ''08 and '13 a dollar invested i...
Read more

Sharing my ex-wife’s group holiday greeting

-
There are many things I loved about my ex. This journal entry is about why I think she's an asshole. I was having a relatively OK day today. Goodbye 2024 which as been a bear. Hello 2025. Maybe my PTSD and depression symptoms will abate as I begin another loop of our solar system.  Then—My realtor sent an update about why my ex-home in NYC hasn't sold. Since I co-own this cash nightmare with my ex, we're on the message together. Mina respounds "thanks. Best wishes to all of you for 2025. A sweetheart! A clever and insightful writer and communicator.  A life coach to the masses. Someone whose messaging would have more sincerity if she ran her prompts through ChatGPT first.  I am not your realtor. I do not work for you and I no longer care if you stand up or fall down. I unblock you for a few days and I get your sick performative pablum. You are a problem for me—an obstacle to my own success in life. Just as you have been for so many others.  Here’s how you gro...
Read more

30 day warning: you don’t embarrass a mobster

-
We just witnessed Zelensky embarrassing Trump and that other mongrel. Thanks to Trump's 4year old ego, he demanded that he be on TV so he could film himself being a schoolyard bully. Instead, at least he didn't wet his pants. 30 days. Trump's first political assassination. Here we go. Shit gets real now. Trump and Vance should have worn Snuggies. Stay in your cribs, children. Let mommy take care of this.  The US destroyed Poland to appease Stalin. Trump and Vance don’t know that they just repeated the most repulsive part of FDR’s tenure. Who would do business with the US?  We’re led by a mobster and a crook who never pays his bills. Rudy Giuliani did business with Trump. Zelensky is only trying to avoid the same outcome for his people.  With friends like the US, no one needs enemies. We’re a full-service lethal force provider!  I send my respect to Zelensky and his violated and betrayed citizens. You have clarified in a way no one before you has had the courage t...
Read more