What do I have to show for my 30 year narriage

 Knee-jerk response:  nothing.

On second thought after consideration: less than nothing. 

Third thought:  I am so damaged emotionally and intellectually that I can’t answer complex questions. I just need to find a way to get myself to a safe harbor where I can’t be hurt again. I’m afraid of people.  I don’t like phone calls or Zoom.  I’m afraid people can see I’m falling apart…and they too won’t lift a finger.  No  that would kill me to be disappointed again.

I haven’t felt safe for so long. Since before my dad died. A warring ex-wife and a mentally ill brother. Two cats died after kidnapping by my ex. Hercules and Emily. 

My family now is two cats: Ceci, and I’m long term cat sitting for a great male cat—MM.i feel safe when I’m laying on the couch under a blanket with one or both of them  

That is the best.  I hate everything else  why bother.  Purring and stretching and love from here to forever.

I trust these two.  They know I am trustworthy and full of love for them.  

Right now I have a huge project I can’t avoid  I’m falling apart, and I’m away from the two good things in my life.   Miss you two…