Trying to regulate my emotions on a very dark day
30 years in one plce. Now it's over.
I assume I'm in shock….seeing my entire life blanketed and shrunk wrapped. Dozens of rolls of wrapping tape. Now it's all gone in an orange truck.
So much went into recycling or garbage. My NYC tools for instance. Many of those date back to Wyoming or the Boat Basin. Suddenly they've been made redundant. Two houses forced into one.
Given away.
I too have been rejected, left behind, made redundant. I do not know my place. My connection with my cat is my one authentic relationship. God if she leaves me, I will be lost. She is my rudder. I am coming back to you now.
I am not hopeful though I hope for love. I am not happy, though I believe happiness exists and is worth finding again. I am not well, and I am going to run to ground if I don't reintroduce health into the purposelessness of my homogenous days.
Why am I here now except to administer the winding up of my affairs. Alone, with no family. No heirs. No love I can count on. Nothing I even vaguely desire. (Can animals experience desire after trauma? It seems unlikely to me.)
I assume I'm in shock….seeing my entire life blanketed and shrunk wrapped. Dozens of rolls of wrapping tape. Now it's all gone in an orange truck.
So much went into recycling or garbage. My NYC tools for instance. Many of those date back to Wyoming or the Boat Basin. Suddenly they've been made redundant. Two houses forced into one.
Given away.
I too have been rejected, left behind, made redundant. I do not know my place. My connection with my cat is my one authentic relationship. God if she leaves me, I will be lost. She is my rudder. I am coming back to you now.
I am not hopeful though I hope for love. I am not happy, though I believe happiness exists and is worth finding again. I am not well, and I am going to run to ground if I don't reintroduce health into the purposelessness of my homogenous days.
Why am I here now except to administer the winding up of my affairs. Alone, with no family. No heirs. No love I can count on. Nothing I even vaguely desire. (Can animals experience desire after trauma? It seems unlikely to me.)
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