Things I loved and lost

1.  Unquestioning love for women (sorry mom!)

2. My home town of New York City. 

3. My brother, to bi polar personality disorder. 

4. Half my net with ( I didn’t really lose this—I shared it fairly under the divorce laws of NYS.  I will never get thanks for all the hard work it took me to create it—so it’s fair I grieve not getting thanked for my labor by a supplier I b never knew I hired.) 

5 time to properly honor my parents’s deaths in 2004 and 2012, since I needed to be on full alert with my narcissistic partner. 

6.  My sexuality I suppose. At l Sat for now. I haven’t had an erection since patSD struck. Pretty normal I imagine. When my body expects missles, self-protection turns on. I can’t afford wasted blood and oxygen dedicated to my penis or pleasure centers. I can’t imagine there’s been much sex in Gaza recently. 

7. My two kidnapped cats. 

8. My relationship with Pam, who had our wedding picture on her nightstand the morning she died of a brain bleed—even though her daughter had trash talked me for years. Pam was a fellow traveler. She saw the good in me, and the pain of living with a bully and gaslighter.