So much power and health in a few simple phrases
I continue to be in awe of the healing power of a few simple phrases I've learned from my continuing therapy for depression and PTS.
First: "this is not working for me."
Second: "why does it make sense that I feel …..?"
The first clarifies my thinking in difficult or conflicted situations. It also obviously keeps the focus on my needs, rather than on the actions of slimy or uncaring or adversarial or simply glib people. Good riddance to that group. I do not miss a single one of the many friends I’ve ghosted. I still miss my best friend but it makes sense that hatred has taken over from love there.
The second replaces my default pattern of unhelpful self criticism and is so clarifying about complicated feelings. Instead of "you're a failure David" or "what a fucking loser," I have "it makes sense that I'm angry at my ex-wife who is having another affair and blaming me unfairly."
I didn’t need these tools until 2022 though I would have been a healthier and stronger person if I’d discovered them as a young man. As I've written here, I've never had a true adversary before. I've never experienced someone who, through indifference or fear or simple nastiness acts in intentionally hurtful ways to me and others. That's her default and she won't change.
I can change, and the result is to find a world of self-respect and self-love I lost completely while married.
Bonus quote from Brenee Browne: "the truth is always kind," and seeing myself more kindly is a new and wonderful truth I desire and deserve. With love to me and the young versions of myself during these sad sad days.
First: "this is not working for me."
Second: "why does it make sense that I feel …..?"
The first clarifies my thinking in difficult or conflicted situations. It also obviously keeps the focus on my needs, rather than on the actions of slimy or uncaring or adversarial or simply glib people. Good riddance to that group. I do not miss a single one of the many friends I’ve ghosted. I still miss my best friend but it makes sense that hatred has taken over from love there.
The second replaces my default pattern of unhelpful self criticism and is so clarifying about complicated feelings. Instead of "you're a failure David" or "what a fucking loser," I have "it makes sense that I'm angry at my ex-wife who is having another affair and blaming me unfairly."
I didn’t need these tools until 2022 though I would have been a healthier and stronger person if I’d discovered them as a young man. As I've written here, I've never had a true adversary before. I've never experienced someone who, through indifference or fear or simple nastiness acts in intentionally hurtful ways to me and others. That's her default and she won't change.
I can change, and the result is to find a world of self-respect and self-love I lost completely while married.
Bonus quote from Brenee Browne: "the truth is always kind," and seeing myself more kindly is a new and wonderful truth I desire and deserve. With love to me and the young versions of myself during these sad sad days.
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