All of her friends and family disappointed her, sooner or later
Hard to imagine that you will not die alone, my best friend. The part of me that knew I couldn't count on you to hike to the headwaters of the Hudson—or trust you with any other important information or responsibilities—is the part that knew you fully.
Perhaps I didn't want to see it. But I watched you go AWOL in 2012 and became a full member of the "betrayed by M" club. That club will include everyone who's known you and everyone who's loved you.
We welcome new members if they're still able to walk or remember their name after being dismissed and ghosted with such indifference for their pain. Our pain. My pain.
Revisit your memories on your next run. Maybe you'll notice the fear and anger finally. Ha. No you won't. You are not capable of distinguishing or caring. You might notice that you'd already been ignoring the friend you'd left behind. That selfish certainty—you know that cerebral experience—that's the familiar one. That's all there is of you…the ghost who is never wrong, and never not alone. This is an illness you possess.
Perhaps I didn't want to see it. But I watched you go AWOL in 2012 and became a full member of the "betrayed by M" club. That club will include everyone who's known you and everyone who's loved you.
We welcome new members if they're still able to walk or remember their name after being dismissed and ghosted with such indifference for their pain. Our pain. My pain.
Revisit your memories on your next run. Maybe you'll notice the fear and anger finally. Ha. No you won't. You are not capable of distinguishing or caring. You might notice that you'd already been ignoring the friend you'd left behind. That selfish certainty—you know that cerebral experience—that's the familiar one. That's all there is of you…the ghost who is never wrong, and never not alone. This is an illness you possess.
Comments
Post a Comment