What a day!

 The stock market went down today--the most in two years!

As if I give a fuck.  

But, is my ex-wife behind this?  Today was finally the deadline when I need to liquidate assets to send cash (a total of approx. $4.9 million depending on the sale price of my houses). On the bright side, I guess my capital gains liability (my ex won't understand this section--it involves legal and tax topics) for selling in a down market will be reduced next April 15!

I'd say my ex deserves her lucre.  Not that she worked for it or provided a happy home life.  We didn't have kids and would have been terrible parents together if we had. She didn't clean or anything.  I believe we were aiming for 50/50 in every part of our marriage.

But matrimonial laws and equitable distribution in New York State are so clear...we worked out all the terms in a three hour mediation session a year ago.  Easy peasy.  (Like everyone else, we then wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars, and a lot of my psychological health, disagreeing about the language of our settlement.  The last tenth of a percent took 100% of the time.  Typical of mediocre marriages when they break up, but so painful for me as a business person who is very familiar with writing contracts.)

Dis-joint tax returns. My ex-wife, as I said, is not a lawyer.  She didn't understand the difference between "collaborative law" and "mediation."  I'm hoping she's better trained now. She's still on my tax return and if I get audited for her lies, I'm fucked.  One more year of rancid exposure to a bad business partner's random record keeping. 

That's because my ex is a wellness coach...she's studied masturbation (she tried to move in with one of her classmates who told her she was a good lesbian) and Internal Family Systems, so she knows what she's talking about.  There's an IFS part called "Shame."  Often triggered by lying to yourself.  

And masturbation isn't that difficult, honey.  You just have to like yourself!  You'll cum again and again!  That's what the tantric experts say on their websites, (Are these last sentences within bounds for Non-Violent Communication?)

Actually, relationships aren't that difficult.  I know.  I've had a few good ones.  And, of course, this one dreadful mindfuck.

I've spent $140,000 on mental health treatment for myself since my ex-wife's tantric masturbation class.  I paid for the class.  I was not a good lover for her, that's for sure!  I was like the old Catskills vaudeville joke--"the food is terrible and the portions are so small!"  I was 28 years of overcooked canned veggies, according to my ex.  After my marriage, we agree.  I FEEL like overcooked canned veggies 24/7 now, and no treatment has improved my self image yet.  

I haven't had sex in over two years.  What did sex ever get me after I met my wife.  I should have stopped thirty years ago and slept in separate bedrooms, rather than observe my self-esteem needle inexorably more below empty as a result of the nightly yawning and back turning and light snoring.  

If I hadn't tried and failed to earn her attention for so long, I wouldn't miss actually touching another person with passion and love as much as I do now.  The last time I felt that was 1993! 

I don't know her any more...she's probably been through a whole set or two of new friends.  Her ability to retain lovers seems to be null...she gets dumped faster than I know she's fucking someone else.

Lots of cash coming your way!  Glad to offer you some security.

A warning:  if you go anywhere near my life to create a play, poem, book, work of art--ANYTHING.  I'm talking about the ghoulish shit you did to Doron with DYKM.  The crappy short story you nailed me with in front of what I then thought were people who weren't entirely craven to you.

My life, and our schlocky marriage--keep your fingers to yourself, as instructed in your tantric sex class.   Do not even try to do to me what you did to Doron, and to your mom in lessor ways.  I'm telling you...drop the pencil now.