Videotape any of your friends today?

One of the last times I ever saw you we ended the evening with you taking a video of the broken shards of a Simon Pearce plate I broke at our dining room table.

 

You then shared this video with many others, and forwarded it to my divorce attorney.

 

This is what love looks like in discussions with you…every word is the opportunity for you to prove that your friends have betrayed you, want to hurt you, disappoint you, fail you, and are worthy of disdain and public embarrassment.  You know the list of people you've "videotaped." 

 

You're familiar with what it means to always know better and always understand others better than they understand themselves.  Because you're actually terrible at it…empathy is NOT your default neural pattern ha ha.  We all know that, better than you do!

 

There's a version of reality where you use mindfulness and self-awareness techniques on yourself.  There's a technique, for instance, called non-violent communication.  My understanding that this is needs-based. 

 

You might notice feelings, like "my instinct is to get my phone and film this scene and distribute to everyone I know because I want to hurt my life partner and belittle him."

 

You're nowhere near the "notice feelings" stage yet, but that would be a goal.

 

Then you could do things like "this discussion is obviously hurting you and it's scaring me.  Could we descalate?"

 

That wouldn't feel good for someone like you, though, would it. 

 

Please consider studying NVC with a reputable group, and then applying it to your friendships.  IF you're resistant, remember when you started a fight with me because "I wasn't doing Harville Hendricks correctly!"?

 

You'd learn a lot from NVC, I promise.  Just simple stuff like avoiding "you're a coke addict!" as a statement of your own needs.  Do you need coke?  Then probably this is not an effective conversation starter.  I don't have any coke now, but I could get some for you if you do. 

 

It will become easier if you study and practice.