Am I really that bad?

A bunch of years ago my wife left me for the 2^nd time. 

 

She said I was angry.  I agreed.  After she left me and ghosted me, I was very angry with her.  And disappointed.  This was the 2^nd time she'd left me, claiming anger, but actually because some one else had said she was attractive and they wanted to fuck her.

 

No one has said that to me.  Ever.  I imagine that makes your head spin.  That's how you looked to me—like a love-struck puppy. 

 

Both the Arizona person and Caroline in Quebec dumped my ex within a few weeks.  She ended up in tears and alone, and came back to me eventually six months later.  She's still certain that the reason this happened was because I was angry.  She's a life coach now so she could help explain all this to you, if you pay her. 

 

Her web site says something like "I want to share my passion with you!!!"  (Order a side dish…you might end up hungry at the end of that session.)

 

Perhaps I shouldn't have agreed with her that I was angry.  She doesn't agree with me that she's a serial adulterer.  And I definitely "lost" in the court of our ersatz friends.  I haven't heard from one of them in over two years.

 

Too angry.  Aggressive drunk.  When that didn't work to excise me from our couples community, coke-addicted crossdresser.

 

Anyway, my ex is probably on to lots of fun and satisfying sex with her current partners.  I'll never know the truth.  Safe from the threat of her life partner.  And about to get $5.3 million in our divorce settlement so that maybe will help her feel safe and secure as much as she's capable.

 

I'm not angry at anyone else except for her.  She deserves all the anger I have an quite a bit more, which is good because I don't sense my soul's allotment of anger is depleted.  It strengthens and builds each day.  So does my compassion, my love, and my forgiveness.  The four horsemen of the apocalypse, all stampeding together directly toward Mina.

 

Anyway, I don't crossdress.  I don't do coke.  I stopped drinking because alcohol is such a fucking depressant!  I can't handle it and my body has cooperated by deciding it doesn't like it anymore.  Bitter fermented decay in a bottle.  Put that in your mouth and taste your own bile.

 

These are the sins that ousted me from the community I loved.

 

It's easy to disdain that community now.  They excommunicated me and judged me for the list above.  There's not a cardinal sin on the list! 

 

Meanwhile, this kangaroo court watched my wife do this exact thing to me twice.  They watched with me as my wife did this to more than a dozen other human beings.

 

Her pattern is to destroy others who are disappointed by her.  Disappointed, Mina.  That's all. 

 

Pam, Libby, Moushomi, Laura, Doron, Lisa her agent. Whatever guru you were following yesterday who stopped saying "you're the best student in the class."  Poof.  Columbia Law School.  Spirilis in Montreal.  The guitar instructor at The New School.

 

We're all selfish criminals because Mina fell so short of her own capabilities.

 

Except her first husband.  Doron is a loser because he has brain damage and because he watched 90210 "too much." 

 

I'm not a judge any more than I'm an angry coke addict.  So let's go the the big source—the deadly sins and 10 commandments, and score Mina. 

 

Here they are, with a ranking on a 1-10 scale. High scores indicate loser status.

 

`           Pride—OMG, 10!   

 

Greed—I'd have to say 8—she stole a lot of money from us and doesn't understand the legal and ethical concept of "disclosure"

 

Wrath—very low, perhaps 1—she doesn't get mad, she schemes.  When you're cerebral, wrath doesn't compute, and she didn't have that kind of fire in her belly (sorry if I mentioned your belly, Mina)

 

Envy—10. Every second.  Every person.  Even for things she disdains.

 

Lust—sex is power for my ex-wife.  Never about pleasure.  Otherwise she wouldn't be able to withhold it as a weapon for years. I'd say 0 here.  

 

Gluttony—her relationship with what goes in her mouth is so complicated, I have no idea on this one.  No score.

 

Sloth—regarding the needs of others, she's festering and decadent. You can't make that up by meditating about your own profound mindfulness.  This is a slob…9

 

I'd say my ex-wife is a loser, based on this silly western list.  I win.