How far I've fallen into the bottomless well called the blues

I once had a group of attractive cerebral friends.  We had book clubs and movie discussions and we shared excitement the night Obama got elected.

I've started two successful businesses.  The first one sold for $18,000,000.  I've had over 1000 employees in my career, and I was the youngest person to win our professional association's Hall of Fame Award.  Still am the youngest winner.  Now I'm the oldest member.

Today, the high point of my morning was folding some sheets, fresh out of the dryer.  They're bright white and crisp, and folded into nearly perfect squares.

I live in a corrupt shitty country.

I went to the farmers' market in town earlier.  I purchased nearly $200 of beautiful vegetables and bright fruit.  And some sourdough that's fantastic.

I preferred life when I had a family.  My birth family is gone, and I married someone who became my only family and the center of my life.  I was very dependent on her, and loved her despite her character flaws.  I think I understood her and did the best I could to make the world safe for her.  I built an enviable protective financial shield around her.

She dumped me and blames me--aggressive coke-addicted drunk and shitty sexual partner.  Ouch!  Now she's got an illness that means she can only eat a dozen foods. And the absence allows me to see her deformed sociopathy.  She's dead and gone.

And I'm here hoping that a crisp fold out of the dryer will bring me some happiness.  Will let me feel anything.  Will stave off the tsunami of depression that each day delivers in this godforsaken life.  In this shitty little country.  Alone and afraid for myself.  Each day a short blues lyric.

Is anyone out there?  I can't see you any more.