Angry? Yes I'm angry at you.

When you walked out the second major time, I got blindsided again.  I thought of your mom:  "How do you get these nice men to fall in love with you, AND THEN DESTROY THEIR LIVES?"

 

Stupid of me, as I've commented here.  Your behavior is well practiced and any moron could see it coming.  Still, I somehow believed I was special in your life.  Your remaining friends still believe your line of crap.  Your enemies know better.

 

Anyway, my tactic was to not pressure you or ask any questions, because I would always get irritated at your flimsy or non-existent answers.  You are a land of "that's not what happened" or "it didn't matter."

 

So, I sat quietly while you deserted our marriage of 28 years so you could smooch up to inferior types you met everywhere else.  Prime examples of the last year before you told me you were fucking other people:

 

• Non-violent communication—you gave those morons at Spirilis tons of money, never got a contractual guarantee of any deliverables from them—AND NEVER BROUGHT AN NVC TECHNIQUE BACK HOME.  This was two years of professional development and you didn't use it to resolve a single disagreement or invest in anything to improve our marriage.  I want my money back from Spirilis…every $CAN.  They are frauds and you're a fraud because you were brainwashed by them.
• Masturbation—you did a tantric sex class in French with Caroline and a group of fellow masturbators—and never once shared what you were learning about your own body, about what you liked.  Maybe a new fun technique???  Isn't that why frustrated older women take tantric sex classes?  To spruce things up?  We were married and you had more than enough time to complain about my sexuality and turn your back on me night after night for the last three years.  Fuck crossdressing.  It was you who withdrew.  You can disdain me and ghost me and destroy me and embarrass me, but you cannot ignore me.  I will be in your face until you come to terms with your despoiled soul, or until one of us dies. 
• Fucking Caroline and the others—not even worth mentioning that you forgot to invite me to participate in your polyamorous  gamble.  It was over before you had the chance on that one…any group who would admit your for sex was obviously in trouble long before you showed up and did your control thing.
• Psychedelics—you give a bad name to the term "integration."  Or how about your other skill set—"holding negative space."  You will hurt anyone who does psychedelic therapy while you are in the room.  You know as well as anyone else that this is unlicensed medical practice, and people like you are dangerous.  Even the certified members of the field (like Moushomi who is terrified of people like you) are just beginning to understand the damage that assisted psychedelics can do to those with epigenetic abuse, schizophrenia, deep depression (like me), bipolar disorders, and severe PTS.  You have no training or sympathy with any of those.  You tripped all over the place and the only time you shared anything with me is when you went hypoglycemic and fell down the stairs in Costa Rica…that was some really intelligent application of the medicine!  Spiritual growth, self-love, and deeper truth?  Have you told a single soul what you've learned?  No? It's because you haven't learned a thing.  You're not capable.
• Family.  You were my family.  You dump families.  Always have.  Always will.  Share with sugar bear.

 

Since you won't share, I won't respect you.  Since you judge others, I will not allow you to stop judging me.  Or Pam.  Or Doron.  Or Kelsey.  Or…you know the list.

 

Ever. 

 

Those are the big ones.  Now it's your turn to pay for your lying and cheating.  How?  Because I'm writing this blog to myself every day…and that work makes me remember more of you every moment.