Am I celebrating for my birthday?

I got a one liner from my ex-life partner and ex-best friend this morning.  That's an infinite percent more than she's communicated with me in the last three years.  She didn't ask about me.  She didn't recognize me as an individual.  She hoped that I was celebrating.

Enough about her.  

Here's what I wish:

1. That she would go into serious intense talk therapy to address her contract with her parents.  She does all these modalities and coaching things to avoid confronting the fact the has an outdated family constellation structure than she's poisoning the world with.

2.  I'd like a four hour session alone with her to discuss the pain of our pathetic divorce experience.  I hemoragged cash and life vitality because our relationship fundamentals were so bad we got mutually fucked over by the legal profession.  We both have to confront and accept our pathetic natures on this one...singly, and as what once was an ineffective couple.  

3.  I want to continue to live alone, be alone, and only connect with others on things I enjoy...work projects.  Playing some tennis perhaps.  Learning to read again.  Talking to people I respect for their wisdom and kindness and empathy.  But I want the silence of sitting by myself, after 69 years of trying unsuccessfully to please and meet the needs of others.  That experience largely failed after I met my ex---and I've been living with the pain of failing according to my own contract with my mother and my 4 year old self so long.  I want a ring of fire, or a blue bubble, or a pink pyramid...any structure that works...to isolate myself from indifference and cruelty.

4.  I wish for those small bits of good news for myself...they started appearing in December when the legal bills stopped coming (because my ex and I had no mechanism for dispute resolution, we agreed on the divorce terms in a 3 1/2 hour mediation--and then it cost me nearly a quarter of a million dollars in legal fee to turn the nine points of mediated agreement [handwritten jointly on the front and back of one page of a legal pad] into court-acceptable documents.  The final three page document, which took two months to agree on, required me to attest to the fact that I was me.  That I am David Foster.  I attest to that...I would have done it for free.). 

5.  I want quiet for myself.  If I never leave this couch again for the rest of my days, at least I'm with someone worthy of great great love.  Some who is so full of love himself...