After so long being alone, why does it scare me now?

 I have never had a partner in life who helped me.  The most recent one claimed I was difficult to help.  That may be correct, but her opinion is not valid.  She was always absent, generally with other lovers, whenever I got into trouble.  

This time, like every other time, I scream and cry to myself when I'm alone.  I beg that my parents would show up and give me a hug.  I'm 70!  

I empathize with myself for this pain.  When I've screamed for help, no one close to me arrived.  Ever.   

My ex actually had legal responsibility to do so.  Is her behavior a civil or criminal crime?  She can press charges on herself when the thought dawns on her that she should experience penance and shame and guilt.  

Don't hold your breath.  This one's the queen of Lala land.  She don't do shit.  Fuck your sorry ass, honey.  I know you won't lift a finger, as always, but I've got you blocked anyway, so I don't have to suffer more trauma reviewing yet another example of your emotional ineptitude and narcissism.

You will not be a closing, and, as I've known since the day I met you, you will never see Lake Tear of the Clouds.  You knew that too.  You just lied, as you always do.

Dates on the Calendar:  March 6--the day you told me that you were fucking Caroline, and that you'd duh ALWAYS been a lesbian.  She was too stupid for you right?  Was that your reason to blame her for your failure?  Or maybe you and she are doing really well?  Happy anniversary then.  I'm surprised!

Anyway, 30 days for me, alone as always, to clean up the shit after beingabused for 30 years as your partner. True companion--you total fraud!!!  The cleanliness standard in our agreement is "broom clean, and no toxic mold or fungus."  I will hire professionals to deal with that part, though there's no detergent for what's in my brain after knowing you as I uniquely do.