A richer understanding of myself

 I’ve learned so much about myself recently.  How much I respect and love my parents. That I am capable of truly helping my brother. That I experienced shame, guilt and grieving at a routine human level until I got my first big F in life—my marriage. 

I don’t know my ex anymore, and the only narrative that’s survived our merciless and brutal demise is to shine my light on her trash talking genetic narcissism. We survived as a couple—a terrible dynamic for me—because I put up, shut up,and avoided public humiliation at all costs.

It’s costing me $4.4 million to get rid of her and it’s the best money I’ve ever spent. My only resentment from the divorce process is that she’s so lacking in lawyering savvy that we reached settlement terms in a 3 1/2 hour mediation, and then I had to waste $220,000 more getting the nine terms of agreement into the court-required documents. My ex has never held a job—and friends who could easily have helped her never reached out a hand.  What I’m saying is:  don’t hire her. She’ll poison your organization. And she’ll trash talk you the minute you leave the room. 

I feel no guilt, shame or grieving for my marriage and I fully accept that, had I known then what I know now, I would have ignored her. My big mistake.  And all these years later, I received my crushing F report card.  Which I deserve for being the world’s biggest sucker!

Won’t make that mistake again. 

Another thing I’ve learned recently. Thank you for teaching me, Mina.  I am guilt and shame free, and so are the rest of your victims. And, I hope to continue to work on my PTSD and depression—the sexually transmitted diseases I got from you.