Tough days call for naps

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I haven't left the house today and I want to, but don't feel up to it.  I don't think that's a good indicator of progress against my depression.  But, it is what is is.

 

How on earth is my body holding up?  What a friend…each day I'm still "healthy" (I haven't seen a doctor in ages…I just mean that I don't have any pain or symptoms) surprises me.  I don't think I deserve it, and constantly worry that tomorrow will be the day that the final sign appears.

 

I've been thinking about my birthday in January.  I turn 70.  I think how much I want to spend that day completely alone, with no contact with anyone.  Just my cat who I love.  And me.  It's partially antisocial, but it's mostly because this is how I've been living for three years now, and I want to celebrate who I am.  Even having dinner with a single friend feels like a betrayal to me…David. 

 

Also I think I should stop therapy.  Yael is my most trusted "friend" now…I can't build a future when I'm paying $450 an hour for a best friend, as much as I value her insight and respect and acceptance. Thank you so much!  Makes me happy thinking about the work she's helped me do.

 

I went to bed last night at 7:05.  I woke up at 7:05.  I took two naps today.  I'm tired now.  It's 5:09.

 

 

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