I was ill prepared...

The most important people to me in my life…my parents, my brother, Melanie, John Marqusee, Lucretia, my ex…none of than the last have deserted me when I needed their help.

 

None other than the last have denied me to opportunity to help them when they were in trouble or made mistakes.

 

Glenn is complicated because of his mental illness, of course.  And now he's institutionalized and as scared about his future as I am about mine.  But we're talking and in touch, as much as that helps.  I'm sure it does, in ways I can't completely understand.

 

Melanie and I shook hands and agreed that we had done well together, so that was easy.  I still feel that way, and admire the woman I knew so well, so long ago.  I hope she recalls me in the same way.  I was not perfect but we had a great love, I believe? 

 

John and my parents are gone.  We parted on beautiful terms I think.  If any one of the three of you need to tell me something, please try.  I'm listening for your voice every day.

 

Then there's my ex, and her dump/blame/ghost pattern.  She fucked me up in 2012 and I've been on my back foot ever since.  I could find no common ground other than the duality I finally adapted…keep my mouth shut and buy space until the abuse got to be too much.  Then, as her mom did, start talking loudly to stop the pain of being judged and hurt.

 

It didn't work for either of us.  I suspect neither of us were prepared for someone like my ex.