Day 1 on Zoloft
Here I am. Trying again.
I am terrified of you. I'm ashamed that you were my family for 28 years yet I did not understand anything about who you are. I could not possibly have met your needs because I don't think I accurately identified a single one. Do you know what they are? A higher gear on your next bike ride?
Ii am angry with you, my family. To everyone else who knows me, I'm depressed. They haven't experienced the version of myself that you have. Most people don't judge the way you do, but they're very little help for the depressed for surprisingly long list of reasons.
So, surprisingly or not, I believe that isolation, celibacy, and withdrawal are my best hopes. I have been so disappointed by what I hoped for from my family. This I could not imagine and I don't believe there's a single person on the planet who deserves the judgement you mete out as if you were holy.
I am deeply worthy. I can't speak for you but you've got so many markets for a bad outcome I don't see redemption or even competence in your future. I assume you are certain that your path is the right one and so you are determined to maintain your patterns as they are now. Seven generations to heal. The gift I gave the world was to not impregnate you, assuming that wasn't something you also hid from your family. I might not have noticed that you were pregnant. Like my mother! I'm not certain you were female, to be honest. Are you? Pregnant? Female? Were you?
When it comes to you I have good reason to assume I'm wrong. You always told me I was, and you were so certain. Hopefully I'll find teachers and mentors in the next phase of this short and painful life journey and be introduced to rudimentary stages of knowledge and understanding. Someone who mouths the words to help me avoid the sting of the ruler.
Someone pretty much the opposite of you, when I consider my needs for the first time, finally. Someone ethical, patient, confident, playful and sublime. Beauty from the inside. Like me. A partner to take us to the end. .
I am terrified of you. I'm ashamed that you were my family for 28 years yet I did not understand anything about who you are. I could not possibly have met your needs because I don't think I accurately identified a single one. Do you know what they are? A higher gear on your next bike ride?
Ii am angry with you, my family. To everyone else who knows me, I'm depressed. They haven't experienced the version of myself that you have. Most people don't judge the way you do, but they're very little help for the depressed for surprisingly long list of reasons.
So, surprisingly or not, I believe that isolation, celibacy, and withdrawal are my best hopes. I have been so disappointed by what I hoped for from my family. This I could not imagine and I don't believe there's a single person on the planet who deserves the judgement you mete out as if you were holy.
I am deeply worthy. I can't speak for you but you've got so many markets for a bad outcome I don't see redemption or even competence in your future. I assume you are certain that your path is the right one and so you are determined to maintain your patterns as they are now. Seven generations to heal. The gift I gave the world was to not impregnate you, assuming that wasn't something you also hid from your family. I might not have noticed that you were pregnant. Like my mother! I'm not certain you were female, to be honest. Are you? Pregnant? Female? Were you?
When it comes to you I have good reason to assume I'm wrong. You always told me I was, and you were so certain. Hopefully I'll find teachers and mentors in the next phase of this short and painful life journey and be introduced to rudimentary stages of knowledge and understanding. Someone who mouths the words to help me avoid the sting of the ruler.
Someone pretty much the opposite of you, when I consider my needs for the first time, finally. Someone ethical, patient, confident, playful and sublime. Beauty from the inside. Like me. A partner to take us to the end. .
Comments
Post a Comment