You have some money. What else do you need?

 Integrity. Decency. Goodness.

The ability to life without jealousy. 

The heart yo say “thanks” with ease, and mean it. 

A sense of awe that conquers disappointment. 

An asset that you earned yourself.  A partner in life who is rich enough to make you feel safe  I’m not   You picked poorly.

Truth that isn’t manufactured or gaslit.

Someone who loved you as much as I did  

Dopamine, endorphins, and empathy  

Leadership skills   Administrative patience. Friends who want you yo be part of their organizations.

A strategy to stop taking money and nothing else from your partner, so you can hide from my anger and disgust  (I can’t avoid you either when I’m sending $3900 a month to you for the rest of my life.  You are truly and well stuck to me like flypaper now, thanks to your neediness and your lawyers.)

This is a lot. I wish you were more than you are. Or even an authentic version of who you claim to be. It would have been worthwhile to be your partner, not that I wasn’t anyway. 

Argh. The worst thing that ever happened to me. 

What do I desire now?

My self-respect.  I want it back. 

I hope to survive this trauma and the anxious depression with sone of my health intact. 

Exposure to kindness without a due bill other than being myself. In other centered. I’m not going to fuck people over. But there must be someone out there who can give as much love as I can without accruing debts. 

Grace.  Speed. Joy. Something I’m proud of.