What do I wish for myself

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Some message of kindness that matters…

Some sort of indication that this hasn't all been a waste of resources. I travelled through my life as lightly as I could.  I tried not to despoil.  But still...I took up space and I don't think I made many people happy.  

Today I'm so anxious I'm feeling nauseous.  It will be a long tough day but maybe this will provide some slim openings for new connections with myself and the world.

I hope so.  This happened, to some degree, last summer, but then I botched it and took a roommate back.  Now it's a surreal mess again.  

Stay away from horses, landscaping, and the kitchen when Diana is around!  I'm sure there are a few other areas where I've transgressed.

I feel safe typing in my journal here, under a warm blanket, on my bed with Tico.  The poor guy.  He's losing his best friend in a few hours and senses it but doesn't understand.  And then a strange new cat is showing up at 5:30...a cat without a name, since she showed up in a box outside the door of my favorite kitty rescue center on the planet down in Reno.

I wish peace and fun for the three of us...far from the idiocy of America and joyful in this large wonderful house (closing is scheduled on my old home for September 12.  I'll be in France then but should be signing documents etc before then...).

One house.  Me.  Two beautiful beautiful cats.  Tico is asleep on my feet, keeping me warm.  Fall is in the air.  I'm scared.  But I've been living at this rodeo for 3 years and 5 months now, and today is just one more shock in a series of emotional disasters that, frankly, never seem to end!

 

 

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