Expectations

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I'm sitting in a southern European cafe in a town square, watching happy couples stroll by.

Thanks for the Coke Zero and the diavala pizza…things could be worse.

It occurs to me that I don't expect to ever again enjoy the feeling of knowing someone is attracted to me, or cares for me above all else.

How sad and lonely that makes me feel on this perfect day.

I see women who are attractive to me—hey, it's France. But—no more pain. Please. No more pain.

I strive to be self-content and self-sufficient. I pray my mind holds up long enough without the guardrails of love so I can learn happiness again, with myself.

No idea if I'll survive to pull this off. I guess I'll see, won't I!

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