Waking up early from jet lag and anxious dreams
4:19. Not too bad in the third morning home from Europe. But anxious dreams.
At one point I was screaming "fuck" at the top of my lungs in a busy passageway. I worried others could hear me but didn't feel the need to stop.
Then I was on a hiking trail yelling the same thing. Hikers were coming up the hill and I had no pants on. I was trying to get a shirt on but it was twisted and damp.
An acquaintance was sitting on his legs in a bar. All the rooms were flooding. There was a room that used to be my bedroom. A few people were sitting on wet furniture there.
I worked hard to get the acquaintance on his feet to take him home. He had no control of his legs. They had fallen asleep. One foot was facing backwards at one point.
I'm overwhelmed. I've overscheduled tasks and projects and since Europe I'm falling behind on house cleaning and work.
I have a few social plans and tennis dates and I can't fit them in. I was late for a dentist appointment yesterday because the referral had an old address and I didn't read the update on the appointment confirmation texts. I have a follow up and I forgot to note the new dates in my calendar. I don't know when they are.
Fuck. I'm losing it. Fuck indeed. Movers next week. Colonoscopy in a few weeks. New car. Ordering solar system and EV chargers—80k. I didn't pay my estimated taxes on the 15th. A work project is hopelessly delayed.
Fuck. This is not fun. I'm a mess. I'm not functioning. That's what it feels like. And it feels like I'm doing it to myself. Why? Because I'm lonely and sad and jet lagged.
At one point I was screaming "fuck" at the top of my lungs in a busy passageway. I worried others could hear me but didn't feel the need to stop.
Then I was on a hiking trail yelling the same thing. Hikers were coming up the hill and I had no pants on. I was trying to get a shirt on but it was twisted and damp.
An acquaintance was sitting on his legs in a bar. All the rooms were flooding. There was a room that used to be my bedroom. A few people were sitting on wet furniture there.
I worked hard to get the acquaintance on his feet to take him home. He had no control of his legs. They had fallen asleep. One foot was facing backwards at one point.
I'm overwhelmed. I've overscheduled tasks and projects and since Europe I'm falling behind on house cleaning and work.
I have a few social plans and tennis dates and I can't fit them in. I was late for a dentist appointment yesterday because the referral had an old address and I didn't read the update on the appointment confirmation texts. I have a follow up and I forgot to note the new dates in my calendar. I don't know when they are.
Fuck. I'm losing it. Fuck indeed. Movers next week. Colonoscopy in a few weeks. New car. Ordering solar system and EV chargers—80k. I didn't pay my estimated taxes on the 15th. A work project is hopelessly delayed.
Fuck. This is not fun. I'm a mess. I'm not functioning. That's what it feels like. And it feels like I'm doing it to myself. Why? Because I'm lonely and sad and jet lagged.
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