Facing a disappointment early in the day

I had an amazing medicine journey on Thursday.  For five hours, I loved myself and was hopeful about the future...a place where kindness and goodness might be possible again.

Now I'm worried.  The incredible experience, with the help of two profoundly wonderful guides, lasted 36 hours.  I did make the mistake of watching a few moments of the presidential debate...if anyone can find hope in that morass, please let me know.

I'm bluer than blue can be, as they say. 

My biggest and best weapon against depression, sadness, grieving, and hopelessness has not sustained me through a news cycle.

These posts feel like my only connection.

My post yesterday got blocked by Google for sensitive content.  I wish I knew which part. The part that blames liberals as the problem?  Mentioning the low training standards of the world's militaries?  Suggesting Taylor Swift for president, since she's well meaning and people would vote for her instead of Trump?  Mentioning MDMA as part of a psychiatric-assisted therapy that's more effective than anti-depressants? Or mentioning sativa as a lifeline? Suggesting that black people statistically don't think our Constitution is about them? (Could you guys let me know so I can stop offending you? I don't need more ambiguous criticism from anonymous strangers who can't communicate. Besides, you obviously can see the stats here...you're the only person who surfaced what I write...all you did is further confuse me.)

Back to me--this is my place and it's about me.

This does worry me.  The failure of my best and brightest tool for wellbeing.  All the medical tests indicate significant healing for 60% plus of people 30 days after a medicine journey.

I'm two days out and flat on my back again.  

OK, take stock, old lonely man.  Help has to be on the way from somewhere.  Doesn't it?