A stressful and sad moment, accelerated by a short burst of fear!

I resigned as the chair of the NYC co-op where I've lived for 30 years.  And the first open house to sell my beautiful home there is Sunday.  Miserable but necessary, and I'm not capable of paying for or maintaining something so large and so worthy of care. 

 

I probably would have been OK simply staying in bed, many states away from New York, on Sunday. 

 

Unfortunately my cat chose this morning to disappear during her normal outside time. 

 

She was nearby, but for 15 minutes pet owners fill in the blanks with grizzly death from coyotes, or hawks, or dogs, or whatever. 

 

Those 15 minutes destroyed my body!   I'm nauseous.  I have intense pains on the right side of my chest, up near my armpit.  I keep crying.

And, as is the case whenever we're thrown into shock, I'm weak.  I tried to get on my mountain bike and could not lift my leg over the saddle.

 

I do have to function this weekend.  I have a graduation party tonight and I'm flying to a national conference and board meeting Saturday.

 

Ceci is lying next to me on the bed.  Purring.  The world seems dangerous and hostile, and I don't want to leave this moment.  Ever.  I am not certain I could stand up, if I needed to.

 

This is what "one moment at a time" strategies are meant for.  When we're disabled.  When we're sick.  When we're afraid.  One second at a time.  One breath at a time.  One heartbeat at a time.  The summer breeze is blowing and Ceci is here.  We will be safe together somewhere.