Collaborative divorce lawyers are nasty--please pay me back first!

We've been at trying to document the Agreement we reached with a mediator for 11 months now.  (When we left the mediation, we shook hands and agreed that we'd done good work and resolved the issues.  What a laugh that turned out to be.  Collaborative lawyers are not bound to honor mediation, since they're so busy being humanist.)

 

Here's the current fracas these bozos are negotiating on behalf of their client:  I had to pay $28,000 in taxes on income my ex wife made in 2023.  Her income was 1099.  I filed extensions April 17, and our joint CPA estimated that the $28,000 was due.  Cash out to the IRS.

 

The extra income triggered estimated payments for 2024 too…a separate story but I've paid $25,000 in estimated 2024 taxes on behalf of my ex-life partner.  So far. 

 

Her lawyers refuse to reimburse me for Mina's tax liability until the actual returns are filed October 15.  If ever.  This despite the fact that I'm also supporting her financially in post-tax dollars.  I send her $10,000 post-tax a month.  She can depend on me, and it's up to her to workout whatever qualms she has about my faithfulness—I doubt she wastes much time on that.

 

Here's what good lawyers would do—try to stop the bleeding, rather than creating ridiculous new conflicts that never would have existed without you.

 

My current post tax income from my job is $14,000 (the "extra" is also what I'm pre-paying her taxes with.  Do the math—I've been cash negative for three years now, taking into account only maintenance and taxes.  Where does the money for rent, food, my divorce lawyers, my therapy and mental health medical bills, utilities, and everything else come from?).

 

These lawyers are just mean.  On what planet is it equitable (as required by NYS matrimonial law) that I pre-pay your client's taxes? 

 

Despite evidence to the contrary, I still can't accept the idea that Mina would come up with this vindictiveness without your counsel.  She doesn't talk to me so without input from anyone I'm left to a single conclusion:  the false practice of "collaborative divorce law" should be illegal in the state of New York.  Prove me wrong.  Show me one thing you've resolved that isn't straight belligerence?  Slime.

 

Why would mediocre lawyers fuck with someone like this…stupid little insulting shit.  I didn't make up the idea of taxes, you guys.  I didn't make up the idea of April 15 tax deadlines.  Your client intentionally failed to pay taxes, which is illegal.  You condoned this.  This has nothing to do with problem resolution.  This is shitty lawyering, compromised and pathetic.

 

(You're still friends with Deb H so I know what your standards are…we all saw that professional degradation as a group, back in the day.  Recall, I attended a cocktail party Deb held as thanks to referring clients after my wife hired you morons—and she STILL embarrassed herself that way.  That's loyalty and honesty as practiced by your tribe.)

 

In every other case in our settlement, your client gets liquidity on joint assets before I do, and in all cases, her liquidity is the majority share of the cash available.  In every case, I have to settle the tax liability on your client's behalf, despite the fact that she has no credit rating or collateral.  She's a bad debt and if you've taken a single penny ahead of me, you are thieves.  Happy to negotiate the word for your immorality, if thievery doesn't sound correct.

 

Now you're delaying the final settlement agreement—against your client's interests yet again--to buy an extra 6 months—without offering interest or any other concession—on my prepayment of the employment liability Mina was required to pay herself during 2023. 

 

Dickwads, these collaborative divorce lawyers.  Sexist, stupid dickwads.  I'll concede on this, just as I have every other moronic battle you've created.  The manzanita bushes are getting cleared today, after half a year of fighting with the California forestry folks—you stopped the process mediation process for four months over that meaningless detail generated out of a citation on our joint property.  $3000 in total cash.  $1500 for your client, perhaps, deducted from her proceeds. 

 

Goons.  You guys are goons. 

 

I hope Mina is as slow to pay you as she is to honor her tax liabilities…that would be such an insult if you're benefitting by getting paid before I do.  Shame on you losers.  Go to work for a big law firm where they have practice standards, would be my advice.  My wife has gotten sick and weak and a lot older, just like I have—watching your mediocrity.  Do you collaborate in your own relationships?  Like this?  Have you ever paid a bill at a dinner with friends?  I would be very surprised. 

 

Deb H never did.  In her defense, I wouldn't let her…