The Long Road Out

 COVID creates a knee-jerk vote of thanks to first responders, so let's take a moment to consider than any automatic applause is guaranteed to hide real scrutiny.  For that reason, I'd like to point out the many ways that the First Response Syndrome in NYC is a large part of the reason we're in the mess we are today. Here are some reasons I believe our attitudes towards the fire, police, and ambulance militias have exacerbated our sickness, disenfranchisement, and powerlessness in the face of a City that's out of control. First responders believe that they are priority workers--and they act that way. Because they've drunk their own koolaid, these public employees break traffic rules, cultural rules, and civility rules in a way that causes far more damage than the protection services they offer in return First responders aren't contributors to noise pollution anxiety in New York City--they ARE the noise pollution.  Each time a siren goes up, the blood pressure of...

 How can 85% of Republican voters believe that there's a deep state "conspiracy" to unseat Trump.  Who are they picturing?  Hillary in a deep bunker (surrounded by a bunch of sex slave pre-teens????) with three other socialists pulling levers and saying things like "HHHHAAAAA!  Now vee gott heem!" There's not a Democrat in the country who hasn't said, outloud and in public, 100 times or more, that Trump is the biggest loser they've ever known, and they'd do anything to get anyone with a brain in power. A few people tried to give Trump the benefit of the doubt after he won in 2016.  That lasted four minutes until he tried to open his mouth and began to degrade the value of the universe from his new podium. So, we shifted into descriptors immediately: Trump is an asshole Trump is fat Trump has an IQ of 11 on a good day Trump has a vocabulary of 200 words Trump wrecks everything he touches Trump is a failed business loser who has screwed over everyo...

Here's a blurb from Medley 238.  My thanks to author Nat Eliason for alerting me to this analysis, even if the conclusion is well known.  Of course McKinsey was the prime advisor to the Sacklers while they were pushing oxycontin.   How does McKinsey stay out of jail?  The law firms and CPA firms who advise criminals get nailed.  Remember Arthur Andersen? Here's Eliason's summary, including his link to the original reporting.      The World of Opiates      💊 Another bombshell insight into how McKinsey helped Purdue "turbocharge" opiate sales  came out last week . Apparently McKinsey suggested they give opiate distributors a rebate for every overdose attributable to the opiates. Don't worry if you kill anyone, you'll get your money back!  ➕ They were even kind enough to do the math for how much money this might mean:  "The presentation estimated how many customers of companies including CVS and Anthem might overdose. I...

Once again, I updated  my VPN and lost all ability to connect to my wifi.  The problem was far beyond "reboot the router." Fortunately, the geeks on the web saved me again.   As item number 12 on a list of solutions I found, here's the answer.  Once I deleted these files, my Mac sprung back to life, all the lights lit up, and I was back in business.  Thank you! 12. Delete Preference Files Deleting all preference wireless setting plist files may help you fix this problem. Here is how: Turn off Wi-Fi. Go to the Finder. Click Go and Go to Folder (or hit Command+Shift+G). Enter the following: /Library/Preferences/SystemConfiguration/ Locate the following files (plus any “old” backups): com.apple.airport.preferences.plist com.apple.network.identification.plist com.apple.wifi.message-tracer.plist NetworkInterfaces.plist (if present) preferences.plist Now you may want to create a folder and drag them to this folder (so you will have these files so you can put them bac...

Like many families, we've applied for a refi on our New York City apartment.  The refi is for an amount equal to approximately 28% of the appraised value.  This seems like a pretty safe transaction since so many people we know have financed up to 100% of appraised value in the last six months.  Rates are low and it's a good time to move cash out of real estate in a bad market. Here's the latest message I received from the mortgage banker I've been working with for 50 days. (I submitted all or most of these documents six weeks ago, got a Commitment Letter, and then that letter was shockingly cancelled this week.  The Bank has now offered me an alternative solution with significant points, closing costs, a higher interest rate, and significantly worse terms.  I think the banking term for this behavior is "larceny." Plus, lots of fun photocopying so that I can pay extra points, interest, and principal compared to TD Bank's signed Commitment Letter they failed...

 The idiot in the White House believes that it's a good idea for 17-year old kids to load up with weapons and drive to minority communities to defend property.  He believes that such a kid, after a two-hour drive filled with intentionality, has a right to a self-defense claim when he unloads his weapons into a crowd.  So, I want to make it absolutely clear:  you won't even let 17 year olds into our military or secret police.  Now, without any training, you want them on the streets, near schools, and on the fringes of agitated citizens? What the serious fuck.  You, Donald Trump, are a dangerous accessory to murder.  Here's a baseline principle: no teenager should have access to weapons.  This would reduce the teen suicide rate in the United States by half in an instant. It would reduce the number of women murdered by young boyfriends. And it would save our Democracy.  As has always been the case in the United States, people who reject the gove...

I look back at the 18-year old I was on Niskayuna High School Graduation Day, at Saratoga Performing Art Center (SPAC) on some June morning in 1973.  I was class president, and had given some sort of graduation speech, and now I found myself standing with my mom and dad, and my dad's half sister Debbie, contemplating the gate I had passed through. My grandparents must have taken the picture...or my sort-of girlfriend at the time, Sue Ludwig. And where was Glenn, my brother who often is just out of the frame in moments where I was transitioning to another stage? I owe Glenn a lot of apologies...I tried to include you, but I don't think I did it right. The picture calls to mind Mary Chapin Carpenter lyrics about sepia tones and "they were younger than you are now, that hot summer night." Hah...that's a joke.  My Mom was 38 and my dad was 39.  I'm 65.  Mary--please write a new song to help we with this math! Come on, come on ! It would have been my dad...

Here's a tribute to my great friend, wonderful dancer, and unparalleled Bates College Trustee.  Thank you for all the many years we shared as students, volunteers, Trustees, and beyond, Geri! I'm sorry the opportunity for a big splashy (and gorgeously choreographed) finale is lost for the moment...but believe me, the moment is honored by all of us... Best wishes to you, Geri Fitzgerald ! David

I would like the dignity to believe that I'm authentic, reliable, competent, open to the sublime, and available.   In short, that I'm a "what you see is what you get" human.  To live up to my own expectations, I hope that exhibit noticeable amounts of certain traits like: sharing deeply of myself (ok, maybe you didn't want to know about how I feel about sex) always listening more than I talk, unless specifically asked to behave otherwise eschewing human relationships, or even brands, for the purpose of self-promotion (a Rolex? Seriously?) being regularly vocal about the moments and things that bring me joy, and stopping the train to focus as deeply as possible on them I get triggered when anyone acts in a way that threatens my identity around the "Big 5" above. Usually, when triggered, I become defensive (trying to maintain my dignity), but ultimately I try to escape unnoticed. I'd rather forget that the challenge to my self-beliefs ever occ...

I'm told I had a Vienna Boys' Choir voice as a child.  My dad had a show-stopping tenor, so I grew up with knowledge of what a big voice meant. Then puberty hit and I couldn't carry a tune. I added breath to my bass to cover up the loss of musicality, and it's only recently that I relearned that the key to holding a tune is to initiate loud sounds, even if those sounds are managed to create tenderness or quiet. At the same time, I learned that my parents were busy and therefore were unable to translate anything I said in terms other than "that's great. You're great.  We're busy." A long period as a white male feminist gave me lots of opportunities to despise anything that smacked of power or privilege, a mode of consciousness that I've fully internalized, even if I've become irrelevant to my fellow travelers on the road to equality and fair justice. So, I'm left with a list of habits--the detritus of a lifetime of self-silencing...

We humans send hundreds of thousands of micro-messages to our cognitive selves during any given period (in my case, it might be every 10 seconds). For many of the smart people I know, over 99% of those messages are about doubt, fear, failure, and self-disgust. It's fun being human, right?  We're such a net plus on Earth. (I'm joking.  Good riddance is my opinion. Let the flora and fauna rejoice.) Here's a three minute letter of love I sent to myself during a free-writing exercise I participated in last week.  It's not good, nor interesting--except when you compare it to whatever may be going on inside your frontal cortex. Dear David;   Everything you fear, expect, anticipate and long for at this moment in your life feels approriate to me.  You see yourself clearly, in fact more clearly than most, and accept and understand more realities of your unique position as you are in the world, free from delusion and antipathetic to self-aggrandizement. You ...

Here's three minutes worth of handwritten response to what we used to call a free-writing exercise. The assignment was part of a program apparently developed by an exec at Google who has subsequently been dismissed during their gender harassment problems. The assignment was to write for three minutes without stopping on the topic of:            When I'm at my best, I am... When I'm at my best, I am 19 feet tall and free to find comfort in the wide range of the world around me taking things in without a hint of friction or remorse or selfishness and sending the energy out to those close to me with quintupled force and good will, making THEM as tall or taller than I am, a tribe of giants spanning other giants, treading on the earth with gentle and caring steps to all corners, rooting out the ignorance or hostility to be found in those dark and frankly quite dank (it has to be moist) places that rob the good souls of dignity. Don't ...

Pre-comment four years later during COVID: getting sick from a kid on a plane may not seem like a big deal, but in fact, the three months it took me to knock out the basic pneumonia symptoms changed my life.  I've never gotten back to road racing, or triathlons.  I've continued to overreact to any bronchial condition so I'm still running up medical bills out of fear I'll be as sick as I was in 2017.  And, most importantly, I stopped looking at myself as a healthy person, even though I continue to be active. I owe this all to one incredibly selfish parent in seat 2C on that fateful JetBlue flight. Now, our entire society has the responsibility to not be an asshole like this pre-COVID pig. I flew from JFK to Reno, Nevada on JetBlue December 29th, 2016.   I was in seat 2A. Next to me, in seat 2B, was a four year old boy who appeared to be dying of consumption or emphysema--or perhaps syphillis.   He coughed every four seconds all the way across the country. ...

The electricity that has your lights on and your computer charging comes from natural gas, coal, nuclear--or alternative sources if you care (if you notify your utility company that you want to purchase only solar or wind power, they're required by law to buy your allotment from alternative sources). Some good news--t he U.S. Energy Information Administration estimates that another 1%--an additional 35 billion kWh of electricity generation--came from solar roofs, otherwise known as "small-scale solar photovoltaic systems." Small stuff, but a start, compared to the  about 4.12 trillion kWh of electricity were generated at utility-scale electricity generation facilities in the United States. Here's where all the gigawatts in consumption-central (the USA) came from in 2019: U.S. utility-scale electricity generation by source, amount, and share of total in 2019 1 Energy source Billion kWh Share of total Total - all sources 4,118 Fossil fuels (total) 2,580 62.7% ...

Thanks to The Atlantic for this month's " Failed State of America " article by staff writer George Packer. Of course Packer writes what we've all felt, and particularly brings alive the peculiar institution of the executive branch as it's now displayed for the world to gawk at. There will never be enough time, nor ink, to outline the gutless self-interest of Kushner and Trump and the boys and girls who surround them. I can't add much--but I would like to offer a further point of emphasis to this very satisfying description of the United States of America, and how we got from our last dying gasp of decency (9/11) to our current post-mortem, made real by the ambulances rushing to the mass graves. Had Packer asked my editorial advice (he didn't need it and my comments wouldn't improve what he actually wrote!) I might have mentioned not just the executive branch, since we’re all poisoned from that source. I would have summarized the failed st...

Wells Fargo, the bank with all the office space and ugly logo, failed to develop a loan processing system in time to allow any of its small business customers to apply for the Payroll Protection Plan authorized by the Small Business Administration (SBA).  Now, like every other major bank, it's been sued for prioritizing PPP applications to favor the applications with the largest fees (or worse). Double whammy--they didn't get organized in time to participate, and they're still getting sued for doing it wrong. Sympathy for an archaic dinosaur aside, these failures will bankrupt many Wells Fargo customers and result in immediate layoffs that were avoided by customers of many small local banks and other processors. Here's what Wells Fargo has to say about their failure: “We at Wells Fargo screwed up and made things worse for you than they already were. No other financial institution screwed this up as badly as we did, and we grovel with apology.  Because we screwed ...

Kindness Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. What you held in your hand, what you counted and carefully saved, all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness. How you ride and ride thinking the bus will never stop, the passengers eating maize and chicken will stare out the window forever. Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road. You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath that kept him alive. Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.  You must wake up with sorrow. You must speak to it till your voice catches the thread of all sorrows and you see the size of the cloth. Then it is only kindness that makes sense ...

Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped into the next room I am I and you are you Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, Speak to me in the easy way which you always used Put no difference in your tone, Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household world that it always was, Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, Just around the corner. All is well.  ―  Henry Scott Holland

There’s a snow removal company in Truckee, California that has a monopoly. Elements it’s called. We’ve had 5+ feet of snow here in three days and it’s still snowing.    For two 26 hour periods in there, we've been snowed in--it's very comfortable in our house, and we have lots of food, and Netflix, and all the rest.  And, we're trying to quarantine in the belief that somehow we're helping hold back the worst of Coronavirus. Who needs self-regulation when you're actually help prisoner in your house (not entirely true--we've climbed out on snowshoes and cross country skis).  Having snow up to the top of your garage door actually has a calming effect--your choices are eliminated.  So, you get the picture: a service provider with terribly low standards of customer care, failing again during this current storm. Elements sent out a message yesterday that should be a reminder to all of us about how to care for your neighbors in times of anxiety, troubl...