The 8 (absolutely) WORST films of 2016

I suspect 2016 will be remembered as a year of good indie films--there were a lot of them (here's my list of best films of 2016), thank goodness.   The blockbusters weren't spectacular--in fact, if LaLa Land wins, it will really be because most of the voters didn't bother to see Moonlight.  But this year did offer some truly awful films that came apart at the seams in ways that no one could predict.   Look at these disasters and steer very far away!

1. Silence--you're kidding right?   Scorcesee's apologia for the Jesuits and the Pope?  Like we need this now?   I already knew that Buddhism isn't all incense and yogic charm.  But don't hide behind that to do a puff piece for Rome.  Apparently, 17th century Japanese citizens needed better dentists, or so we learn here.  Beyond that...damaging.
2. A Bigger Splash--Luca Guadagnino cannot tell stories nor develop characters.   Why do people keep giving him money to make films, and why does Tilda Swinton keep working with him when she's so talented?  I'm embarrassed that I even went to this after I Am Love.
3. Now You See Me 2--if you liked the first one, you should be warned off by the 2 hour 9 minute run time.   If not, seeing Michael Caine and Mark Ruffalo dial this one in (maybe from inside a safe) will convince you to stay away.   The gestalt of the first was that there's a magic and spiritual element that defies evil as much as it defies science, when practiced to perfection.  That mythic quality is lost here, where the 4 Horsemen (the only high point is a strong but one-note performance by the one female character) are frequently getting beat up, seem not to understand what's happening, and only barely regain partial control at the end.  Morgan Freeman tries to save things as he always does by speaking in a low mysterious voice at the end, saying illogical things, but in all odds you've already left the theater. 
4. Secret Lives of Pets --devoid of any higher thought, and the writers obviously are dog people.
5. Wondrous Boccacio--have the Italians lost their film-making minds?   Or at least their artistic direction?  This movie will make you hate Boccacio, and hey, I'll throw in Chaucer, and the 1000 Arabian Nights too--I'm so turned off serial storytelling after seeing this piece of garbage.
6. Ma Ma--Penelope Cruz fails to ennoble a simplistic Spanish version of the "dying makes you open to new people" story.   In this case, you're hoping that the doctor's diagnosis is too optimistic
7. In the Shadow of Women--Ironic French couples drama about an ironic failed documentary filmmaker with an ironic voiceover.   That's hearsay upon hearsay upon hearsay and I chose not to view films about it.
8. The Treasure--a Romanian film that offers a unique pace (who ever filmed some one scanning an entire back yard with a metal detector, swath by swath?) and an ethics based around generosity (OK, the 800 euro loan DID pay off handsomely in Mercedes stock certificates from 1969, but I still wouldn't have given the cash) that you'd never in a million years recommend to a friend.