Taking another dive

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I'm disappointed and surprised, though I accept that this is my journey now. But I also know the signs of anxiety and fear and behavioral disorders like distrust of others. The progress towards lightness and in-the-moment happiness of the last year is unwinding. The descent startles me. I'm self-talking in public again. The voice is my ugliest unkind self, and the words are harsh. I have never spoken this harshly to another being. You don't know.

Self-arrest! Self-arrest! That's what my dear therapist used to say. I feel helpless. There's nothing to grab onto across this smooth steep surface that flies by so fast my ears ring.

Everything aches. Why is that?

Sleep. There's where I am safe.

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