An impenetrable wall of fear and hatred

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No, not Trump—though similar. My ex: 1. Is not a lawyer and has never managed a legal case 2. Is unemployable 3. Can’t balance a checkbook or compute power of ten math. 4. Has Addison’s disease but doesn’t acknowledge its symptoms. 5. Trashtalks all her friends day in and day out and disappears in the presence of those who should educate or support her 6. Meditates (imagine this mess without meditation and you’d have Trump again—a fiery ball of ignorance). 7. Not really relevant perhaps but last she told me she was a lifelong bisexual polyamorous individual. Anyway she cheats on lovers and taxes. 8. Has never done therapy. 9. And—cliche alert here—she’s a life coach! Seriously. Those who can’t teach gym teach life coaching? How’s that client list doing? Lots of return attendees? She is an unsolvable lump of obsidian in my life. A dog with a bone. A eternal daily drag on joy. A poison and blockade destabilizing my healing investigations of depression, grief, anxiety and shame. The ultimate disabled and a worse partner than the IRS. To me she’s an impenetrable wall of fear and hatred. I fear her. I’m ashamed that I knew her and didn’t protect myself. My own deep shame.

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