The disappointment of realizing you were not loved the way you hoped for
I perhaps had too much affirmation and affection early in my life. Both growing up, and in my first marriage.
Then I ran into Beth, my life partner. She ran a tight ship, by which I mean:
1. Withhold praise
2. 24/7 judgement
3. Criticism of whoever was not in the room, but apparently particularly me
4. Daily expressions of disappointment.
5. Immature social interaction tokens along the lines of the Narcissists Prayer—which results in daily "gaslighting." Examples are "that didn't happen and if it did it didn't matter and if it did I don't mean it."
6. If I was unhappy, it was because I deserved it.
Whew. No wonder I was irritable, frustrated, sometimes distant, exhausted, and angry. I was not built for these things, which were abusive, at least to someone full of hope and love like me. Someone who craves and expects connection. I was abused.
Then I ran into Beth, my life partner. She ran a tight ship, by which I mean:
1. Withhold praise
2. 24/7 judgement
3. Criticism of whoever was not in the room, but apparently particularly me
4. Daily expressions of disappointment.
5. Immature social interaction tokens along the lines of the Narcissists Prayer—which results in daily "gaslighting." Examples are "that didn't happen and if it did it didn't matter and if it did I don't mean it."
6. If I was unhappy, it was because I deserved it.
Whew. No wonder I was irritable, frustrated, sometimes distant, exhausted, and angry. I was not built for these things, which were abusive, at least to someone full of hope and love like me. Someone who craves and expects connection. I was abused.
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