I wish I’d died instead

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 I wish my plane had crashed. 

I wish my house had exploded or burned to the ground. 

I wish anything other than what just happened. 

This is a horrid evil world. I do not want to be part of this   We are a careless and pilfering society.  There is nothing for me here and I do not want to be part of any of this. I don’t want to touch or be touched. I don’t want to talk. I will not endorse a single thing about the human shitshow. 

I can’t explain my pain to you.  It is a pain that extends to the edges of everything known and unknown. It is the absence of the last good thing I had. 

 I must sleep and escape. 

I want to hurt myself to show the world how horrid it is. You are all meaningless to me and I don’t care about any of you 

I give all of you and all things the bird. I say fuck you to the disgusting universe. I scream it at the top of my silent lungs. 

My heart hurts so much. I have nothing to hold and no center to bring me home. 

I had one thing that I loved and it’s gone now. 

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