The Long Road Out

Fooled you on that one. I love to dance and have always danced. So this isn't a rejection of an offer. It's gratitude and acceptance. And of course a tributary in the deep river of grieving. I may never dance again, other than my solo joy moments. Moving in the air. The dance is done.

My home had been taken over by a party my ex-wife and mortal enemy wa throwing. Lots of people I didn't know showed up. There was good music but nobody danced. I left and wandered around town knocking things down. When I came back people we starting up leave the party but the thing was still there making out with two women. Someone told me she had a daughter. They all left laughing and I finally woke up. Why is my subconscious brain wasting my remaining life with this painful drivel? My best guess that it's watching Trump's fascism destroy my country. He too is humorless, unconcerned about my pain, and unable to hold an adult conversation. Narcissus was a minor side story among the ancient gods. Narcissism in humans is the most sociopathic and psychopathic cruelty. It's a plague unleashed on us, and we're unvaccinated. The koolaid you drank will kill us all, you Trump fucks. Or maybe I blame my ex for being such a careless simpleton. For never inviti...

I hope he gets up again. Not because we need armed men—flatulent warriors is all we have these days. But because if Orion stands up as winter approaches I will too. I am not functioning particularly well. I chose the wrong tasks. Interacting with others takes a long time and I'm not consistently decisive. Please don't worry David, or trigger unnecessary anxiety. Other than the cats who need me, what does it really matter if I fade off into self-contained ridiculousness? Does it matter if I can't or won't return texts, or if I stall on simple and complex projects? I think my spirit is telling me how to die happier, which is not to care. Be true and clear as you walk yourself home alone my dear friend. Hello Loveling. Perhaps each day is practicing for the end. Practicing to lie still like a September Orion.

Trump files dozens of lawsuits daily. Recently he's been claiming libel from the radical left press—ie the NYT for instance. Trumpers wouldn't know "left" if it bit them on the ass. It involves free health care, income redistribution via fair tax policies, superior education, and respect for international law. The NYT?  Washed out morally compromised liberalism on a good day.  War hawks most of the other days. Don’t believe me?  Name one solid left publication you read.    I’m waiting.   Citizens don't have access to the courts because fat pigs like Trump waste the resources. Remember 77 failed lawsuits claiming election fraud? Try getting your slip and fall dispute on those dockets! Don't bother. You can't afford it. But worse: is he paying his own bills? Or is he using treasury money to sue us? I'm sure if you look deep inside your soul you know the answer. Motherfucker. You suck as a human, Don.

4:19. Not too bad in the third morning home from Europe. But anxious dreams. At one point I was screaming "fuck" at the top of my lungs in a busy passageway. I worried others could hear me but didn't feel the need to stop. Then I was on a hiking trail yelling the same thing. Hikers were coming up the hill and I had no pants on. I was trying to get a shirt on but it was twisted and damp. An acquaintance was sitting on his legs in a bar. All the rooms were flooding. There was a room that used to be my bedroom. A few people were sitting on wet furniture there. I worked hard to get the acquaintance on his feet to take him home. He had no control of his legs. They had fallen asleep. One foot was facing backwards at one point. I'm overwhelmed. I've overscheduled tasks and projects and since Europe I'm falling behind on house cleaning and work. I have a few social plans and tennis dates and I can't fit them in. I was late for a dentist a...

 L fries get assassinated every fucking moment.  Some wingnut fascist gets offed in Utah, one of the most useless states in our electorate? Get over yourself. MLK was the real thing. He wasn’t a social media phenom. So was Gandhi. So was Che Guevara.  If you’re giving a blowjob to the president, you are not a philosopher. You’re a dead sycophant.