Unusual anger
It's hard to identify aspects of my personal life that trigger anger or fear or sadness or loneliness living in this country where armed and drugged ICE agents are killing legal witnesses like me.
So don't trust this quick analysis. But I'm feeling angry and victimized again by my ex. I suspect there are two reasons for this—she keeps reaching out to me, against my wishes, and also we're settling our retirement fund balances via a QDRO process that is painful. A small amount compared to the total settlement balance of $4.6 million, true. But one area where my ex transferred joint funds to her own private accounts without my knowledge. So, alone among the settlement terms, this process "rewards" Mina for "fraud." That's how I perceive it—or as she loved to say to her coach-ees, that's how our QRDO "lands."
It lands as fraud and theft, partner.
This too shall pass, and we all die eventually so it barely registers, but at this moment I'm also working with my doctor to reduce my Zoloft prescription. I'm experiencing a pretty frequent side effect at 50 mg that, while sex is pleasurable, I can't get over the hump and achieve orgasm. My doctor says, in his experience, a reduction to 25 mg frequently eliminates this side effect in 2-4 weeks without reducing the anti-anxiety benefits.
I'm on day 7 of this lower dose.
And I'm angry and pissed and I feel violated by the reappearance of my ex.
Bummer. I enjoyed orgasms and I'd like to get them back from time to time as one of the happy things about sex with my new and thrilling sexual partner Marion. Sleeping with her offers such sweet gentle intimacy—it's wonderful and loving and mutual and energizing and full of laughter.
Not like the daily war with my ex where we'd squeeze out a "sex was nice" before decoupling and rushing apart for all those years. She was apparently a lesbian all that time so she must have been pretty miserable having sex with me, besides her other disappointments.
Reducing my Zoloft dose to recapture the option to orgasm at age 70, in a time of ICE murder and intimidation, unfair QRDO processes that reward cheating, and refreshed memories of weaponized and unfulfilling sex—yes, this medical/wellbeing adjustment will be threading a needle. It makes sense to me and my doctor (and my trusty therapist) that I need to be extra mindful and self-forgiving these next few weeks.
I wish Marion was here tonight. I'd hold her close and enjoy the warm returned love. What a wonderful thing!!!
So don't trust this quick analysis. But I'm feeling angry and victimized again by my ex. I suspect there are two reasons for this—she keeps reaching out to me, against my wishes, and also we're settling our retirement fund balances via a QDRO process that is painful. A small amount compared to the total settlement balance of $4.6 million, true. But one area where my ex transferred joint funds to her own private accounts without my knowledge. So, alone among the settlement terms, this process "rewards" Mina for "fraud." That's how I perceive it—or as she loved to say to her coach-ees, that's how our QRDO "lands."
It lands as fraud and theft, partner.
This too shall pass, and we all die eventually so it barely registers, but at this moment I'm also working with my doctor to reduce my Zoloft prescription. I'm experiencing a pretty frequent side effect at 50 mg that, while sex is pleasurable, I can't get over the hump and achieve orgasm. My doctor says, in his experience, a reduction to 25 mg frequently eliminates this side effect in 2-4 weeks without reducing the anti-anxiety benefits.
I'm on day 7 of this lower dose.
And I'm angry and pissed and I feel violated by the reappearance of my ex.
Bummer. I enjoyed orgasms and I'd like to get them back from time to time as one of the happy things about sex with my new and thrilling sexual partner Marion. Sleeping with her offers such sweet gentle intimacy—it's wonderful and loving and mutual and energizing and full of laughter.
Not like the daily war with my ex where we'd squeeze out a "sex was nice" before decoupling and rushing apart for all those years. She was apparently a lesbian all that time so she must have been pretty miserable having sex with me, besides her other disappointments.
Reducing my Zoloft dose to recapture the option to orgasm at age 70, in a time of ICE murder and intimidation, unfair QRDO processes that reward cheating, and refreshed memories of weaponized and unfulfilling sex—yes, this medical/wellbeing adjustment will be threading a needle. It makes sense to me and my doctor (and my trusty therapist) that I need to be extra mindful and self-forgiving these next few weeks.
I wish Marion was here tonight. I'd hold her close and enjoy the warm returned love. What a wonderful thing!!!
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