Strange waves

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So three years since my ex left. Unfortunately after a relative lull my desire to withdraw and my dislike for her is growing again. Too much wine?

I wish this would stop. I'm back in the constant anxiety phase of revisiting particularly selfish or mean things she did. Things that hurt me at the time and still do.

When I'm in this phase, my good energy is wasted and I'm ineffective. Classic sign: I double-scheduled dinner plans last night and missed a meeting. I've been napping more. This is me with PTSD symptoms.

Hope this setback ends. It's an addiction to resentment. It's wasting my life, hating the one love I believed, again at the time, I had.

Now I know better. It makes sense that it hurts, but I can't figure out why the healing is so slow and why I can't treat myself with love care and respect. I'm tired and I don't want to fall back any more.

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