What do you do when you suspect your life partner is a cocaine addict?

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If it was me, I would try to help, listen, and stand by for support as long as I could before I began to harm myself. 

 

Except for the last part, that's how I helped you through every crisis you created in your life.  I messed up on the last part…I always harmed myself.

 

That's what I've tried to do in my very sad and difficult relationship with my brother.  It's been terrible and I feel ashamed and guilty every day of my life.  But I still know I did the best I could without destroying myself, despite your daily humiliations and boredom.  You have taught me my limitations—and absolutely nothing else.  You never shared anything that mattered to you.  Just your trash.

 

If it was you?  Let your performance be your record, but here's what I believe you did:

 

  • Have an affair and brag about how great the sex was.
  • Develop a chronic yawn to hide your fear
  • Tell every mutual friend we have that I'm a coke and poppers addict every time you see them and I come up
  • Forward messages to your lawyer that I'm a coke and poppers addict when we're in the middle of mediation (Trump is observing his gag order better than you—and for what possible benefit?  NYS is equitable distribution…they don't care anymore than I do that you're a serial adulterer and would sleep with anyone who says "I adore you."  You are an easy mark…)
  • Ghost me, and check in with my few remaining friends every forty days to remind them that I'm a coke addict and question why they still talk to me.
  • Isolate me
  • Withhold sex for years, and affection for decades--and blame everyone you ever knew, except yourself.
  • Declare to yourself that I deserved it.  They all did, right.  All those small people.

 

Golly.  I'd rather be me.  You be you…I love that epigenetic look for you!

 

 

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