Is your assault rifle not getting the job done any more? How about a bazooka?
I'm talking to you. Hiding over there behind a piece of faux burned papyrus upon which the holy words of the US Constitution's Second Amendment have been written in magic marker.
Yes, you. Why not buy a bazooka instead? Because, in the interest of civil peace and safety, you can't buy shoulder-mounted missile launchers. You can blame a conspiracy of the deep state, but you can't.
Which reminds all of us: The Second Amendment, as pathetic as it is, doesn't allow you to own any weapon. It does, in fact, result in regulation of the amount of lethal force a private citizen can own.
Don't worry--as currently understood, your hobby of retro-fitting guns is A-OK. I know you love your hobbies!
Here's the problem: too much lethal force is now associated with assault guns. They're no better than missile launchers from a civil rights infringement point of view. (I'm describing being able to go to Walmart without being murdered as a civil right.)
Feeling a little hot under the corner as you think of your four assault rifles, all kitted out with all those expensive add-ons you ordered on-line from Texas, sitting in your kids' closet? I know you haven't told your wife about the fourth one, but I know you have it. And when she finds out, she's gonna be PISSED!
How do I know you have four assault rifles, besides hacking your old computer and spying on you? Because every American owns 1.2 guns, and neither I, my partner, nor your wife own one. So you must have all three of ours.
(No other country has more than .2 guns per person--the US has six times more guns than lowly number 2, which is some country we don't care about like Canada.)
I know, I know. If only you'd been in El Paso or NYC or Dayton or the dozens of other cities so far this year that have ended up on the Mass Shooting Top 100 for 2019, things would have ended a lot earlier, right? First, you'd be dead. And then assuming you killed some one else first, there would only be 4-5 dead people in each of these incidents. That's such an improvement thanks to your excellent gunmanship and marksmanship. On behalf of myself and my family and friends, I applaud your talent, and I'll repeat my support for your abilities at your memorial service.
Please don't forget that it's unlikely you'll actually ever be anywhere near a mass shooting. Did you ever wonder why, with all these guns, no citizen has come to the rescue, ever?
I'll give you a reason: the most common death from owning a gun is suicide. Half the guns deaths are suicides. Second most common category is spousal murder. That's right...the woman sleeping next to you, 30 feet from that fourth assault rifle she doesn't know about.
Would you trust you to solve a hostile situation? Or to defend any one from death? Really? I know you're exceptional--look at what a cool hobby you have. But you'll be the first. Ever. Are you really that special? That gifted? Always making the best possible decision when under stress?
I know I don't always make good decisions for myself and those I love--but you??? You've got four assault rifles! You must be right, handsome!
Yes, you. Why not buy a bazooka instead? Because, in the interest of civil peace and safety, you can't buy shoulder-mounted missile launchers. You can blame a conspiracy of the deep state, but you can't.
Which reminds all of us: The Second Amendment, as pathetic as it is, doesn't allow you to own any weapon. It does, in fact, result in regulation of the amount of lethal force a private citizen can own.
Don't worry--as currently understood, your hobby of retro-fitting guns is A-OK. I know you love your hobbies!
Here's the problem: too much lethal force is now associated with assault guns. They're no better than missile launchers from a civil rights infringement point of view. (I'm describing being able to go to Walmart without being murdered as a civil right.)
Feeling a little hot under the corner as you think of your four assault rifles, all kitted out with all those expensive add-ons you ordered on-line from Texas, sitting in your kids' closet? I know you haven't told your wife about the fourth one, but I know you have it. And when she finds out, she's gonna be PISSED!
How do I know you have four assault rifles, besides hacking your old computer and spying on you? Because every American owns 1.2 guns, and neither I, my partner, nor your wife own one. So you must have all three of ours.
(No other country has more than .2 guns per person--the US has six times more guns than lowly number 2, which is some country we don't care about like Canada.)
I know, I know. If only you'd been in El Paso or NYC or Dayton or the dozens of other cities so far this year that have ended up on the Mass Shooting Top 100 for 2019, things would have ended a lot earlier, right? First, you'd be dead. And then assuming you killed some one else first, there would only be 4-5 dead people in each of these incidents. That's such an improvement thanks to your excellent gunmanship and marksmanship. On behalf of myself and my family and friends, I applaud your talent, and I'll repeat my support for your abilities at your memorial service.
Please don't forget that it's unlikely you'll actually ever be anywhere near a mass shooting. Did you ever wonder why, with all these guns, no citizen has come to the rescue, ever?
I'll give you a reason: the most common death from owning a gun is suicide. Half the guns deaths are suicides. Second most common category is spousal murder. That's right...the woman sleeping next to you, 30 feet from that fourth assault rifle she doesn't know about.
Would you trust you to solve a hostile situation? Or to defend any one from death? Really? I know you're exceptional--look at what a cool hobby you have. But you'll be the first. Ever. Are you really that special? That gifted? Always making the best possible decision when under stress?
I know I don't always make good decisions for myself and those I love--but you??? You've got four assault rifles! You must be right, handsome!
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